11. Habits That Hinder Our Healing (pt1 of 3)

you are listening to the Beyond The High Road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 11. stay tuned welcome to Beyond The High Road a podcast dedicated to Healing your heart and life following the grace of alienation I'm your host Shelby Milford a twice certified life coach specializing in post-traumatic growth I'm also a Target parent who felt like my identity in this world left me on the very same day that my sweet child did after hitting my emotional bottom I devoted the next six years to research and personal growth using proven Concepts based heavily in neuroscience and psychology I developed my own playbook for reintegrating with life and reframing my role as my daughter's

mother in the midst of living apart from her I went from feeling agonized helpless and directionless to feeling energized confident and most importantly at peace today I get to help other parents like you to do the same thing if you're experiencing the effects of alienation and you're ready to heal then this show is my love letter to you stay tuned

hi Diaries today I have a this is a subject that I wanted to talk with you guys about since before I ever even started the show for a long time but I kept shying away from it because I thought this is a sensitive subject for some people and so I kept thinking I didn't want to scare anybody off but then I thought that's like a bunch of people pleasing I think that I would regret it if I didn't put it out there and then the one person that did need to hear it didn't hear it you know so for um that reason and that pretty much read them alone I've decided to go ahead and release this anyway I hope you guys really enjoy it we're about to share with you is probably one of the most

liberating tools that I have ever ever in fact this is without a doubt the most liberating or empowering collection of Concepts that I have ever learned in my entire life if you don't love the relationship that you will currently have with any habit any addiction anything that's holding you back from being the person you want to be then you are not going to want to miss this and the next episode of hey if you haven't hit follow please do I would love that and also if you haven't already if you would rate and review the show that would be fantastic it helps other parents like us to find us we get more visibility with each one of your reviews so thank you to those of you who have

already reviewed know what that is you I saw yours from this last week too what a beautiful beautiful review so thank you thank you so much I really do like gives me warm fuzzies and puts a smile on my face for literally like the rest of the week actually when I read one of those so thank you from the bottom of my heart okay so let's get started I don't know if I've shared with you guys who I helped and my areas of expertise as of yet one of them of course is I help other parents experiencing alienation to rebuild their lives and begin using their story to visit them and to benefit others right so that's the one area and then I also help parents who are

struggling with any sort of addiction or habit that is holding them back from living life how they really want to and I help them in a I would say very non-traditional way like not 12-step wise based in science and really really works and as you'll hear later I've had plenty of experience in this area and I would consider myself you might after this episode in subsequent episodes I would consider myself an expert in the area Okay this method will help with really any behavior that is getting in the way of them living their life in the way that they want to okay let's be honest we all have behaviors or coping mechanisms that we use in order to not do other areas of life to not feel

certain feelings procrastinating I call it buffering when we buffer we're using a other things other behaviors to avoid doing the thing that we really should or want to be doing okay we will go quote unquote numb ourselves by doing something that isn't actually going to contribute to the end result that we want does that make sense so for the purposes of this episode and really all future episodes when I say alcohol I'm just referring to my own experience but let's say if you your area is with like food sugar marijuana or shopping whatever it may be for you gambling you know porn all addictions fall under this sort of umbrella right they all pretty much work in the same way in our brains

in our body is what happens why with the reward system why we become addicted there's so many things that we can become addicted to right so what I say alcohol throughout this episode and actually any other episodes just replace my wording for whatever it is that will help you to relate to it okay yeah so those are the two kinds of people that I help sometimes they intermingle and a client of mine will be an alienated parent and struggling with addiction right and sometimes not so sometimes this sort of interweave may you know whatever but sometimes they don't but I know when it comes to addiction and when it comes to drinking and habits this is one that I know that me as an alienated

parent the many of you out there just from seeing it in the support group rooms this is something that is is a challenge for many of you out there and it makes sense right because if we're in abusive relationships if we are dealing with any other sort of dysfunctional Dynamic the chances that we also grew up with a similar Dynamic is those chances are pretty good right and usually with those Dynamics come exposure to new unhelpful habits to drinking as a way to cope to eating as a way to Coke okay so it's completely understandable that you would also have adopted whatever habit you learned we use these behaviors because we aren't really taught how to feel as

kids right do you remember was one of the first few episodes that I did talking about emotions and that how we're taught like somebody else has the power to make us feel feelings number one that's what we're taught as kids and we're also taught that if we are sad or mad or any of the uncomfortable feelings that we need to go and find something outside of us to fix it right like let's go get you an ice cream honey don't be sad don't be mad from a very young age we are taught that having those feelings is like not the objective and it's it's to be avoided at all costs right avoided and fixed so it makes complete perfect sense that you and I would find alcohol

or any other habit as a source of relief as a reprie and then on top of that think about the marketing in today's world right I'm going to talk about the us but I know that also like in Australia it's the same way in Europe it's the same way lots of places it's like this where we are taught like just have a beer and the worries of your day will go away or you just need a little bit to take the edge off right it's in movies it's in sitcoms everywhere we look you cannot also you cannot go to you know any social events most of the time I'd say these days it is coming around where it is a little bit more normal to be be sober one in a crowd right it is a little bit more normalized

but for so so long for most of our Lives we have you would be the the outcast if you weren't drinking at uh barbecue or a party you're not drinking why why why are you drinking water do you have a problem like all of these these social norms and the way that we've been conditioned we are conditioned to drink really honestly if I'm talking about just drinking alone here this is something that it's everywhere we look you go to a restaurant there are how many beers on tap you order a wine with dinner if not it's sort of brewed or something you know there's all of these little rules that we've built into our everyday life from maybe even like how you celebrate your own family oh that's

this is how we do it we eat and we drink wine right and then but it comes at you from advertising and from the way that we deal with our emotions on a deeper level it's all over so it makes so much sense that of course you would carry on with this Behavior unfortunately sometimes it becomes a habit and it becomes a habit that doesn't do well for us some people you see those people out there that can have one and then they stop and they're done right and then there's others namely me where for my whole entire life I could have just had one I thought that I couldn't I thought that I was in some way I was different I couldn't be a normal person well I've come to find out differently as far as

what goes on in the brain and let me just say as cliche as as it is knowledge is power learning about how the mind works how addiction Works how the reward system it's set up in our in our body in our brain works for me it was so liberating to find out that my brain was actually working how it was supposed to when I wanted a second and a third and fourth and a fifth string this was actually something that I had conditioned myself to do so I'll get into that later but I just want to let you know for anybody out there that maybe has some shame around their habit that has proven to not be so helpful for them now but they see and they seem to not be able to stop like you feel like

you can't stop you try and it just every time you've tried all these different rules that you've put on yourself like okay I'm gonna drink when I'm with friends okay I'm only gonna have two I'm only going to drink on Saturdays on every other Saturday all the rules that you have right for yourself and each time you end up breaking them it's not because you're out of control okay it's because you conditioned yourself like Pavlov's dogs you've conditioned yourself to behave in this way so I just want you to know before I go any further into this episode that there is nothing wrong with you you're not broken if this is you and like I said whether it's food whether it's alcohol or drugs any habit

that is hindering you from being the best version of you okay it goes for all of them there's nothing wrong with you you're not broken and you're not a degenerate okay in the next episode we're going to go into how to break the Habit in the rest of today's episode we are going to discuss what happens in the brain how an addiction is formed and why it is specifically we as alienated parents protect the Habit like we do and I'm going to get into that one first this is an area where I think I think we really work hard to try to protect it especially if it's one that is being used against us and so there are a few reasons I've come up with as to why we do this the first and most obvious

reason is because we don't want it to affect our custody situation so most likely in this area the alienating parents has already been using it or is trying to use it to have leverage over you or over the target parent it's been sort of held over your head as to why you are not safe around your children and then the second reason you protect it is because the other parent does it just as much as you do if not more so you're like well they're doing it so what's the difference here why do I have to be the one that quits right and I by the way let me just before I even finish these I did all of these like all of them and I like really truly I was invested in all of these thoughts

sentences beliefs Okay the third one is that the Habit isn't what's causing the problem the alienation is what's causing the problem right again why should I have to change when this isn't what's causing it me going and letting off steam because of their efforts to alienate me this is the way that I deal their efforts to alienate are what is harming my child or children and what is harming me I wouldn't drink so much if they wouldn't be practicing these strategies right I don't know if anybody can relate out there I have a feeling someone you can and then number four is if you do a dresser let me just not direct this towards you but if a Target parent does address it they're admitting

that they have a problem in the first place like well I'm not gonna stop drinking now because if I stop and I adhere or I succumb to whatever bear demands are then one I'm admitting I have a problem if I decide to do a b and c to quits the drinking or whatever in doing that we think that we're making their efforts to alienate Justified right like if we admit that we have a problem it'll shift the attention and be like see I had a reason to protect our kid so we get all freaked out because they look at everything and the courts look at everything as so black and white and kind of forget a lot of the con context that goes with all of it so we think that if we admit it that we're

taking on all the blame and also it affects the ego so Target parent is like sort of admitting defeat and so that's a huge alarm system going off in your lower brain okay and the fifth thing is that the target parent thinks that if they're honest with themselves about it then it means it's like the it's like the point of no return if you're honest with yourself about it and you admit that there might be something going on there then there's no going back once you admit it you're like oh gosh if I even go there if I even look at it and identify it as what it is then it's always going to haunt me and then I'll never be able to drink or whatever it is the Habit is and have fun anymore right

that's another one of the things so I get every single one of these like I said I did every single one of these I think the biggest ones for me was the well they are doing it right and also the reason I drink is because I need a reprieve from that for me it was a vicious cycle her father would ramp up alienation strategies I would feel pressure because I felt pressure I needed relief from the pressure and my daughter were good or were fathers I would go out for a night of drinking okay later once repeat right it would just keep going like that and the snowball became bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until I couldn't really even manage it anymore and then

what was I doing he was using my weakness as ammunition and then I was providing him with more ammunition that's how that went that's where it all got messed up is I was only helping his case because I was in his eyes oh she's weak she'll crumble right I only know that because he said that before otherwise I usually don't like to assume what other people are thinking but yeah so I was just giving him exactly what he wanted I wasn't dealing with the pressure a while and I thought the only way to deal with it was to drink to escape it but what I didn't realize is by quote unquote escaping it I was only making causing more little tornadoes more little problems that had it cover

up or lie to just it was a big mess it was like oh what a tangled web we weave because then it got to the point where he was able to use it against me in court and so then I was constantly looking over my shoulder when I went to bars and I was out drinking still because I was like he can't tell me what to do just because he had the money to pay the attorney that got the judge to believe all this stuff to begin with right so it was like this big pissing contest but what I didn't realize at the time was I was really cutting off my nose to spite my face because my premise was he is the one that's wrong he's the one that's doing the alienation he's the one that's causing all the damage in her

and my daughter and then in turn causing it in me and that's why I'll go to drink you take the drinking away from me then what the [ __ ] else do I have right this is my only way that I know how to survive if I don't have the drinks if I don't have this as a reward I have nothing I don't know what to do and then especially when I like when she already went to her dad's right like she was not even living with me anymore then I was like well life is miserable at least with drinking there is something good right that's how I saw it was like this is the least I can look forward to this but let me just tell you it took me years again I'd say this a lot of banging my head up against a wall to

realize that what I was doing was really just trying to cover something up with more of that thing and when I really truly honestly looked at my situation alcohol wasn't providing me with the fun or the retrieve that I thought it was in fact it kept creating more problems for me it always did and it was always like and whether that was just like a hangover or whether that was is that I just I realize now is that the reason I was not so creative back then is because I didn't have the capacity in my brain because I was always run down right from drinking even if it was two drinks the night before still it was perpetually like that was I had the programming of

addiction that was taking up my brain capacity right and my creativity because at all times I was trying to protect this Vice of mine the tablet of mine right and so I would work around things without even realizing I was doing it but I was sort of working making my life work around this habit so I could protect it so I could keep that area like sacred mine my reward time like I said what I realized is this was not the case at all I was actually creating so much more suffering for myself and by continuing to hold on to this habit I actually lost sight of what my initial and true goal was right which was to mother my child it always was that was always my true goal but when I dreamed

that drinking sort of buffered the rest of my life like I didn't the drinking helped me to not look at where my fault was where the problems were so that I could assess and then act accordingly it's like it's literally like putting up binders on your over your eyes and trying to operate that way and convincing yourself somehow that you do everything better with these blinders on it's ridiculous to think about but that's truly what we do when we use a habit like drinking or drugs or eating or whatever to get us through something is that we're telling ourselves that we cannot do without it then life is better more bearable with this sort of security blanket in our lives and so so the thing

is with that is if we have this security blanket we're allowing our current conditions to remain as they are because we're dulling the discomfort because we don't ever as humans unless we're forced into change we don't like to do it when you look at like when you tried to leave the narcissist in your life right or the borderline in your life but you put it off when you put it off and you put it off until the pain gets so uncomfortable that you finally are like okay I have to leave now because it's so uncomfortable it would be more uncomfortable to stay than to leave it's the same thing here and then after you leave you were probably like oh God why didn't I do

that so long ago but you don't because you have made life bearable in the meantime by using a habit by drinking by buffering your life in some way that's why it's called buffering it's like we're like in this holding pattern where we're just trying to make life more bearable as it is I don't know about you but but if you think about that for me I was like oh my God like I'm staying in all of this pain so much longer because I'm numbing myself through this pain as opposed to if there's no numbing agents then guess what I'm gonna get off my ass and get some stuff done somehow someway I will figure it out because one I'll have a capability because I won't be impaired or just like dull tired you

know the next day from all of it I'm working on all cylinders but when you take the numbing agent food what drinking whatever it is out of your life where you take that out of the equation then I promise you you'll start to get busy real quick fixing the areas of your life that needed to be attended to to begin with so let me give you a little backstory about me and my background as far as addictions alcoholism all of that stuff goes before I found this way of doing things right which is all based on science which is amazing I had an extensive amount of experience in the 12-step World it began with my brother who was addicted and then ended up I think I mentioned before that in his

adult years actually it wasn't seven years ago like I was saying before it was more like 10 but anyways he died of addiction or addiction related circumstances so I was introduced to the 12-step world as a teen because my theory is that my brother was always sort of in trouble and troublemaker and he was into drugs and drinking and you name it and so when it came to me I was four and a half years younger my mom was super overly looking for any signs she could find well I learned that I could get attention by telling my mom that I did what my brother did because my brother sort of took up all the attention with his behavior when he was in high school when I was in Middle School so I figured

oh this is how you get Ascension so I would tell my mom that I was doing the same kinds of things that that my brother was and poop immediately I got attention it was great for me I don't know if I knew what I was doing at the time but anyway so I was immediately swooped off and my mom you know I was analog scene and later on a a and all of that I've made friends there and had a whole social group I ended up centering my entire life around these friends that I had made from these 12-step groups and what was so funny was at that point I'd only drank like twice in my entire life so like it was just the whole thing was sort of a lot but I do believe that nothing is a mistake clearly years later

my background in this area has served me well so many of the 12-step groups that you hear about and know about I've been to and as a kid there was a few things that did not sit well with me when it came to the way that 12-step groups approached addiction that's a whole nother podcast of its own we can get into it later but there were things even as a 16 and 17 year old that just didn't sit right with me alcohol had always played this role in my life even when it wasn't in my life I didn't know that I ever wanted to drink it but because it was always something that was either forbidden or my mom was something that I was never going to be able to do properly the way that I learned I would

not do well with it and so of course I was very curious about that so spoiler alert fast forward a few years later me being me I needed to try it I wanted to see what this was all about and then when I did finally drink it was like always on my mind this I'm not supposed to be drinking why aren't I supposed to be drinking what does this mean about me this whole thing right but eventually I realized that it could be used as a tool that I could use it to escape feelings right that I could use it to feel comfortable in a room that I could use it to dance better in fact I even painted better I was an artist silly I'm an artist but I could get a painting done in half the amount of time when I

was drinking right I don't think that that could be the same thing today but there was a time when yeah it like helped the creative Juices Flow I was convinced for so long that alcoholics made me more of who I am it helped me to relax help me to decompress after all of the stressful situations of the day and then of course when alienation came around when I broke up with my ex when that whole thing went down I used it to lessen the paint to forget about the threats and not bullying and all of the things so I always used it as a tool I tell you all of this not because I'm trying to make myself sound like professional drunkard I tell you it because I want you to know that I do

truly have experience with all sides I think of addiction I have seen it firsthand I've experienced it personally for myself and I understand how it works I also have pride the ways I've gone to the 12-step groups and granted when I was attending those groups I had not had much experience with drinking but what the biggest issue I took with 12-step groups was great in Step One is we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and to me and this goes with Overeaters Anonymous and all of The Gamblers Anonymous a blue admitted we are powerless I just even at that age and this was before Google and before other things I just didn't I wasn't buying that a substance something in a bottle

without a brain a human brain was there was any capability of it being more powerful than my children brain like that just seemed ludicrous to me and so I I always sort of like scoffed at that thinking that substance in the bottle has no capabilities it can't jump out of the bottle and dump into my mouth it can't do a little dance and talk to me I can't do any of that stuff what does do that stuff is the brain the brain which we have control over our executive functions our brain does that so when we and we do have control over our brain then we can control whatever is outside of us because that first step was suggesting that we would like lose all of our faculties and not be able to

control picking it up and drinking and that is not true we always have a choice always I don't care how far into addiction you are there is always a choice I just didn't understand that there was a few other things I actually wrote a couple blogs on this and I'd have to go look and find them and try to post them to accompany this that might be a big help but with it I attached of course all references and infographics and the whole nine so and I also have a course on this so if you were interested in delving into this further then send me a message and I have a course that's based all all about this and gives you all of the back information that I have but let's just say the reason I'm

explaining my sense of experience with you know the 12-step programs you know with my brother seeing addiction happen firsthand is because I want you to know that I'm not just making these claims and saying these things and only you should just try doing it this way no I like truly I have I have had a lot of exposure to recovery and to addiction and into all the things and I didn't even mention that my second husband the one that I've talked about in previous ones not my daughter's father well I was with him through I didn't realize this until the end but his Progressive very troubling addiction to drugs and then subsequently two stints through detoxes and rehabs so I've been there like I've

seen it and also I have tried all these different ways it sort of normalize my drinking for myself right to make it fit into my life well I tried all these ways and then what happened what had happened was is my coach so this is a funny story but my coach I heard her talk about this she was talking about stopping over drinking and this was I don't know years ago when I started to hear what she had to say I was so upset that I actually I stopped listening to her and I stopped I canceled my membership with her all of it for like six months because I was like how dare she try to claim that you can do this as a cow irresponsible of her that you can do this without using

some sort of 12-step or uh rehab I was genuinely concerned for other people's safety and I was pissed right I was pistoner and then over that six month period where I completely shut her out and I like it was just like working in the background of my mind I gotten a little curious about it and I was like wait a second could it be like how could this be possible and so I started doing all this research on my own before I ever ever ever decided to come back with my tail between my legs and take this program of hurts and started researching and researching and I gathered enough like evidence of my own and then I thought oh my gosh this actually really could work and so that's when I went

back to her and so then I got then I got more information and I took the certification I was like holy [ __ ] and I applied this dots and works it's amazing so anyway that's the story with that okay so let me get back to where I was I think I was talking about protecting it and not wanting to give it up when it came to having that Comfort what I felt with a comfort when it came to having that threatened like that it was going to be taken away from me it killed me I didn't know what I was gonna do it made me it instantly made me feel like the world was gonna end like my security was being threatened I'm gonna explain why that is here in a minute but what I didn't realize that I think it's so

important to realize is that this is a normal human brain response if you have conditioned your brain with reinforcing a behavior this is a normal response like your brain is actually working properly for you if you also have the same freak out when you think about having to give up your advice whether that's alcohol whether that's smoking whether that's a that's another thing I would closet smoke too I was the fitness professional for 20 years almost 20 years and I would smoke like I would like on the secret like on the down low and if I would get busted oh God it was the worst but anyway that right there what that like the kind of message that I was sending to myself though was that

I had to lie about who I was to everybody else besides me that I was hiding something some part of me was not good for the rest of the world to see you see how that ends and so we minimize it and make it so it's not like a big deal think about that when you feel so shameful as to have to hide something from whomever if it's from your child or children or because you're worried that they're going to bring it back to your ex or whoever if and when you're hiding something from somebody you're also sending this powerful message to yourself that you are not good enough as you are so if this sounds familiar to you then stick around for the rest of this series because I'm going to help

you with this I'm going to help you with the messaging that you're sending to yourself and why you feel you need the message and not only that but I'm going to explain to you why addictions are so difficult to break and also why it's so completely normal that that you feel the way you do and that just because you have a habit does not make you an alcoholic okay alcoholism like if you look in uh the DSN alcohol use disorder is what people have when they develop a habit of drinking okay alcoholism as a disease was an idea that was first introduced in like 1954 or 56 I think and it was written in notes it was the AMA and I believe it was on a military base now this has been a long time since

I've done the research I'm going to have to go look up this up for you next episode but it was written in notes back the first time that had ever been documented back in 1956 then it wasn't ever discussed or picked up or anything done with it until the late 1960s and there were two cases in the Supreme Court in one case they won with this argument and the other case they did not okay and so the argument was that if chronic alcohol use is a disease then the person who hurt a person while they were drinking could get off by reason of insanity okay and so then the other time it was thrown out it did not work so then so this is when it all really began like they were using it defense attorney

was using it to his Advantage okay and then you fast forward a decade and a half two decades to the filled on a few days and what have you and then this is when it all of a sudden ramps back up again and of course even like rehabs it classifies as a disorder and that's how they have to code it for insurance but it is not prove a disease the very very later stages can actually once it's affected all of your other organs then it can eventually yes it can kill you and it can affect your brain and make your brain go to the point of no return where it's mush okay but that is Joel Thor down the line that I can almost guarantee if you are functioning and you are getting up every day and brushing

your teeth and going to work and even that is questionable but you are you are able to perform regular everyday functions if you are this far into this podcast episode like if you have the attention span to be able to pay attention to this then this is not where you're at you're not at the point of no return where you can't come back I promise you that now of course you'll do all of your own research and take care of your own self to form your own opinion about this okay don't only go by what I say go Google go go do all of the research that you need to do for you okay please know that I am a life coach that's what I'm I'm qualified here in this world I'm just sharing with you my

experience my knowledge from my past research and from my teachers and all of the things that I've collected over the 30-some years of being around all of this stuff okay so I just needed to put that disclaimer in probably should have led with that lend us with the episode with that but that's okay it's there so this is very important to know I don't know why more people why this isn't really shared it's like whatever people want to be publicized for their own good for the making of money or whatever but alcoholism is not a disease that is recognized by the DSM-5 okay just gonna put that out there because I firmly believe that fear-mongering someone or your own self into changing their ways

or changing a habit will never ever ever be successful not for the Long Haul anyway like if you want true lasting change then you have to do it in a way where first off you know all of your information but you're also doing it in a loving way with yourself you can't get anything done when you shame yourself into doing it or scare yourself into doing it no because then you're only using willpower and that doesn't work and we'll talk about that in the next episode but alcohol use disorder is something that anybody can have in fact you know though like they date they test the lab rats and so even Lab Rats when they're given the little like drops of alcohol will end up foregoing all their

regular activity so the that they can continue to drink they will stop eating they will stop drinking water they will stop caring for their babies they will stop playing they will stop all of the normal things that rafts would do just to get the alcohol because they like us have a reward system what happens is we have the trigger and then we experience an urge we or a craving and so then we take the action of doing the thing of consuming the alcohol whatever the dopamine hit comes so we get the reward from it and then your reward system is like yes this is how it's supposed to be this feels good and so then we reinforce the behavior we need to keep doing it

over so our reward system is set up so that it thinks it needs to be receiving dopamine as much as possible so it's gonna also send a message yes get more of things like this we're going to need to repeat the same behavior and then it's just one one big cycle because there's the motivational Triad the human brain wants to do three things and three things only to have it part of the brain wants to seek pleasure avoid pain and be efficient those three things those are the things that it thinks that it needs to do to keep it keep you alive and keep you kicking so whatever is not those things your reward system deems as less important so it needs to seek dopamine

and everything else needs to go away so even in like situations where like let's say you're drinking and it's a habit and that habit has not been doing well for you you've been getting in trouble and you got DUIs whatever is going on with you right well you would think people would say oh well you should have quit you should have already quit by now obviously bad things are happening to you normal people would actually just quit right now well guess what if you have trained your brain and if your brain is actually conditioned to act as it's supposed to it's gonna say nope we're still alive we're going to keep going with what we know so that is why so many people feel like such outcasts

and that how can I keep doing the same habit when I know it hurts me and I keep finding myself out of controls it's because you haven't learned how to interrupt the habits you're getting all passionate about this because when I sound this out let me just tell you I was like yurika because then I realized oh my gosh this is just something I can learn how to overcome We Tell You Folks it works it's true once you learn how your brain works and that you don't have to give in to an urge your life has changed forever okay so it explains this makes it makes complete perfect sense that you would be protecting your habit right because it's what you've trained your brain to do this is what your brain

knows how to do best so until you learn how to interrupt this habit and like recruit your prefrontal cortex and start to interrupt the habit and I'm going to explain that in the next episode then it it going to be very hard for you to comprehend ever giving something like this up okay so that is all I have for you today I think that that was probably a lot to digest and I know it's a lot of your time so I'm Gonna Leave You with that but then come back next week for the second half of this if you guys do the holiday support group is still an action on Tuesday evenings so message me we already get this podcast just like the show notes you can always send me a

voice message I think all you guys are scared to do that because I get more Instagram messages and and emails that I do the voice message it seems to me like I would want to do the voice message just because it's the buttons right there but it's do you guys do how you want that's fine okay so that's all I have for you um and have a wonderful wonderful week thanks for listening guys take care bye thanks so much for listening today guys I am so elated that you've chosen to share your time with me you can find me on Instagram at beyondthehigh Road coaching you can also visit my website if you liked what you heard today and you would like to hear more please click

subscribe so that you can be notified of new episodes and thanks again y'all you are already in my heart till next time