34. MONEYYYYY💸

hello everybody how are you guys doing today we are going to get into a shall we say heated subject I just want to offer an ask that you keep an open mind going into this episode because I think that you can learn a lot even if you are somebody that is very successful in making money if I had to guess if you are listening to this you will probably have a hang up or two about money right it might have started off in childhood and depending on what your parents modeled to you about what money was to them these early observations are what formed your foundation for your beliefs on what was possible for you to create in your life right for instance I grew up in I think my situation is a little

bit unique in that my formative years were spent overseas my dad worked for the Department of Justice and so we spent my elementary school years and into part of Middle School in Southeast Asia and so although we were if you were to categorize I would say a middle class family when we were overseas we were living in the Upper Crust compared to most of the people that were living there including those that were also foreigners from a different country we were part of the embassy and so we I grew up with live-in housekeepers and a full-time cook and a gardener and a driver we had this beautiful picturesque gorgeous like Old English sort of style Hall with this horseshoe driveway and

everything looked I mean the presentation on the outside was that we were well off any of you that maybe also grew up as like Army brats or something similar and grew up overseas know that you know looks can be deceiving right when you're overseas with the government's paying for all of that stuff and then you're able to save everything so for a period of time we lived like kings but both my mom and my dad came from very humble homes my mom there were seven kids in her family late and her father was a Salesman so one year they would clean up at Christmas and then the next year they were lucky to get a pair of shoes each so back to when I was growing up we were in Burma

and Thailand and Indonesia we lived great while we were over there but I very distinctly remember coming home for summer vacations and we my mom loved layaway at like Marshalls and TJ Maxx or whatever it was back then but layaway was her thing the message early on was that we couldn't afford what we were buying but when we bought we bought over the amount so there was some mixed messages as far as like how you should spend it and how much of it you should spend of course you know parents when we were growing up I just don't think most of us anyway I think you're extraordinarily lucky if your parents did take the time for the initiative to explain how money worked in our family I

learned that money was not to be spoken about and I know a lot of you guys share that same view because I know it's common right money is would you don't speak about it it's not appropriate for me it was it's not ladylike that's what I learned and so then I think also there's like some shame around it without even you know doing anything so my parents both came from very humble upbringings my dad was also the type still is to this day the type that although he has done very well for himself in his especially his later years but he still is a very frugal person money doesn't grow on trees there's only so much money in the world Shelby that's what I remember hearing

from my dad growing up and so this is what I started to believe I'm still working on replacing those beliefs also another one that I had was that money wasn't for me was for somebody else and I know that this is also a common one for a lot of us so dad was Frugal he celebrated people who had money but I got the impression that money wasn't in the cards wasn't it wasn't in my cards all the women in my life that I respected and looked up to all married men that cared for them so I think that that's in large part how I formed my ideas about what I would be doing for money later on in life what I did in college was sort of a reflection of that I didn't even consider that it was possible to be an

engineer or whatever it didn't even occur to me and that's okay like I'm not sad about it today but if I'm being like looking at where I was that's exactly where I was and that's okay I think one thing before I even continue is the that I think it's so important to normalize and neutralize the circumstances that you came from what you learned about money and how you learned about money I think it's so very important to neutralize that as a baseline before you even start looking at this going in with the idea that whatever beliefs you do have currently the beliefs that you had in the past and the beliefs that you want in the future are all neutral it's okay like no there's no bad or good or

one is better than the other it's not it's just all really depends on what you want to create for yourself okay so I would be remiss if I didn't say that to begin with so the older I got though through school and like my attendance at school and all of that reflecting this idea that I wasn't going to be the money maker in the house anyway that belief was an absolute reflection of what I did do right how I didn't show up in class how I didn't really put my all into it I didn't think that it was possible for me to do any more than just find a guy and then have him do the money stuff I had limits for myself that I didn't even know that I had I believed that money

wasn't my job to make and then I didn't really apply myself and then I created more evidence to support that what you focus on you create more of this is due to the way that our brains all of our brains are engineered so if you don't like where you currently sit with money the amount you have uh how easily or not that it comes to you then you must become aware of what you're currently focusing on because consciously we can sit here and talk about it but then also like I was just talking about with my childhood some of these beliefs are so deep-seated and there are systems going on and I'm moving throughout the world on the reg not even thinking about my belief about money but I'm acting in a

way that reflects my beliefs about money okay and then I create or don't create results because of those unconscious deep-seated beliefs if I believe that money is not for me or money is difficult then I am not going to be out there looking for the opportunities to make money because I feel like it's exhausting if you believe that money comes easily to you then you're going to be looking for and and have access to your own resourcefulness to find and create the money okay many of us too will have beliefs I didn't grow up with this so much but I had friends that grew up with the belief that money is like the root of all evil that either creates evil once you get

money then you become evil like you have less Integrity because money creates power and then because of that you turn into a shady person or you become money hungry but really money doesn't have that kind of power money is just a concept the only thing that gives money power is the story that we tell ourselves about it right what it can do for us but money itself is not the root of anything it can't it doesn't have power it doesn't have a story until each one of us assigns our own story to it and so you can make money be anything you want it to be so our beliefs about money will create the experience that we have with money going forward if we believe that money

is root of all evil then our brain will make sure that it keeps us safe and away from money even though we need money in order to to live if we have a belief that people are just out to take us for all of our money then also we will create that reality of hoarding and thinking that everybody's out to get us and then we have that whole suffering situation going on and that one would be a really easy one to believe because especially alienated parents you know we've been in situations where there are people out there that are jerks some of the attorneys that you guys have dealt with and they're famously have the bad reputation for taking people for all of their money and the legal system does

have some work to do around there but I will say that not every attorney fits into The Stereotype but I had a very similar experience audience with that like I thought you know lawyers are just taking my money I'm just getting screwed by them and in fact one of two of them I believe did that but the other ones I I know did have my best interest at heart funny enough is the the ones that were more expensive actually were the ones that weren't trying to screw me but yeah of course we as alienated parents and then going through what we did it's easy for us to believe that people are out to screw us this is a theme that I see with the the parents that I've coached but I

think it's important to point out that that is the story that you are telling yourself and so you were going to find all the evidence to support that story okay but not everybody is that way and in fact the most healthy mindset in my opinion for me that I came to and finally adopted and loved is that I can make money and then I get to circulate it and give it to people that I choose to get give it to right and so therefore creating more good in the world having money empowers me to give it to the small businesses to the female owned businesses so the more money you have the more empowered you can be in the way that you are contributing to the causes that you want to contribute to okay and

so if we think of it like that money comes and money goes that it's supposed to circulate it feels Freer in order to move past the current beliefs that you have about money you must become aware of what it all is this is one that I learned from my coach how you fill in the rest of these three sentences will show you where you currently sit financially so just write this down it's not if you're driving but if you're at home or you have your phone on you answer these three questions money is money was and money will be fill in the rest of the sentence for those three things money is was and will be okay these three sentences will help you to understand why you are where you are

and many of you will say right now I hear you through this this screen right now many of you will say no that is not the case I am amazing with money and my ex came along and all of the attorneys and all of this and all of that and now I'm stuck with all these bills and I'm paying child support and I'm paying all these blah rights and I get it I don't mean to laugh at that because trust me I get I get it I get it I get it I still am paying the monthly fees I pay the child support and I still am paying back uh loans that I took for paying my attorneys for custody okay I'm still paying those bills so I get it a hundred percent and I will tell you that that is not the reason why you

have the money that you have at current so I know this isn't like the most fun topic if you are right now in a place of scarcity but it is necessary to do this work in order to move from where you're currently at because if you don't look at these beliefs you don't necessarily have to change them right away if you don't at least become aware where you sit then you will continue the same cycle the same pattern so look at the amount of money that you have in your bank account if you have a savings combine them right what is that number and this may not be comfortable if right now it is zero or in the negative but I want you to also remember what I shared with you in the beginning that the

amount of money you have at current is a neutral circumstance as much as you may think it is a negative circumstance when we want to make money we need to come from an abundant mindset when we are coming from a scarcity mindset it does not work not well anyway okay when we are coming from that scarcity desperation it shows in the value that we're trying to create that urgent energy will block you from your creativity so look at the amount of money that you have in your bank account and ask yourself what is the thought that created this x amount of dollars there is one thought or belief that has created this amount of money you're going to want to blame it on an external

circumstance and I understand this very well because I still do it okay that's why trust me I feel you on this but I also know like I know it within my being that the reason that I have a specific amount of money in my bank account is because I have a thought a belief that's creating the result of me having a certain amount of money the same goes for you so look at the amount of money that you have in your bank account ask yourself the story that you're telling yourself about the number and do you like the story that you have and notice that that story is narrated by you is authored by you and you have the option to change that story and it's not as difficult as you think

okay so if anything else I think that that is so so helpful to know it is not as difficult as you think ask yourself if you like the reason why this amount of money is in your bank account you may very well say Yes actually I'm very proud of myself and I've created this amount of money and I am doing amazing and then that's fine right but I'm thinking that if you're listening to this episode that you may not like the number that's in your bank account and therefore this would be a good exercise so ask yourself if you like the thought and if you don't like the thought then here's what we do when you're focused on the things that you can't control then you don't have access to the

resourcefulness and the creativity that's necessary for you to provide value or generate new income so differentiate what you can control and what you can't control what you can't control are the bills in the past that you're still paying if you're paying child support and it's ordered at this moment we can't control that right we cannot change that at this moment maybe you're working towards it but I've spent some time 20 minutes 10 minutes even five minutes you know whatever you're willing to give and split up the facts about your money situation what you cannot change at this moment goes on the left side and then what you can change goes on the right hand side once you've

separated those things the simple distinction will help your brain to realize that the ones over here are not problems for you to solve for anymore they're not areas for you to fight or try to change so it's a an important distinction because even though you may know the facts things get jumbled together so this will save you a lot of time and energy just right down left and right can't change can change all of your energy can now be focused and channeled into the areas that you do want to focus on okay next you must come from a place of abundance and so how you do that is instead of wanting what you don't have replace that with wanting what you already have finding all of the

evidence and the reasons to support why what you currently have without changing the circumstance of money or whatever else that you don't have why do you want what you already have why do you love the car that you drive why do you love the amount that's in your bank account and truly feeling the desire for it how how can you look at what your current results are in your life and see how they're working for you why is it that I love my home how has it served me up until now okay and it's it's a little bit different than being grateful for what you have when you are coming from a place of abundance you know that you truly you have and you've created everything that you need it's a mindset

shift and everybody in this world can do it no matter how much you have or how little it's just a matter of the shift of how you can look at what you have right now how it has been serving you because I promise you whatever you have right now in your life even if you are in scarcity you also have liked the results or else you wouldn't have stayed Where You Are okay there's a reason why maybe having very little money in your bank account or not being able to pay your your electric bill last month or something why that served you somewhere in you there's a part of your brain that thinks that this is helpful so there are always going to be benefits to the results that you currently have

in your life okay or else you wouldn't have those results so learn how to want from abundance as opposed to wanting from scarcity okay and then once you like truly make it a habit of wanting what you already have then you can transfer that skill over into wanting what you're going to create because then you're not in Ed like the desperate needing to create it frantic energy because that is you're going to have a really hard time you're going to always feel resistance it's important to remember as opposed to allowing the results that you currently have in your life to dictate how you feel you decide how you want to think about it all okay because when you decide and you take

charge of that you already feel different if you do want to start believing new thoughts about money and what is possible for you then you want to start looking at what sounds like a step over or up from what you're saying now so if right now you think money is difficult money is hard money is a struggle then it's possible that money is not a struggle it's possible that money could come to me easily it's possible that I can create enough value to start making x amount of dollars I am keeping myself open to the possibility of multiple streams of income all different ways of doing it but saying these things to yourself will begin to open the doors so let's say you want to make a hundred

thousand dollars a year but right now you don't feel like that's even in the realm of possibility you don't know how that could happen you almost maybe feel like who am I to even want that look at my life up until now why would I want to do that to myself I'm just going to torture myself because I'll never create it going from that belief from that scarcity mindset to going over into I can make a hundred thousand dollars a year might be a huge jump if you've got two ends of the spectrum let me just tell you that I know I have many coach friends and non-coach Friends other Entre entrepreneur friends that make well over a hundred thousand dollars a year so it is absolutely in the realm of

possibility I have friends that are housekeepers housekeepers that make 150 and upwards a year so it is entirely possible for you it is not out of the question but okay instead of just trying to jump to from one extreme the scarcity over into the abundance like that if you don't yet believe it then it's going to be like a fruitless Venture right I don't know if that's the right term right there but it's not going to work well for you so instead you can use a bridge or ladder thought which is like I've decided to believe that I could create a hundred thousand dollars worth of value in a Year's period of time like just opening up the gate to maybe is a good way to to get out of the scarcity

and into possibility okay you're not yet maybe at a at abundance but you're just you're willing to check it out and this my friends is huge it is huge because how we think is going to create how we feel how we feel is going to determine how we do so if you are thinking and possibility language then you are much more likely to start looking for possibilities of how you can create if we are thinking in scarcity we are thinking in the nose and that is not for you guess what you're going to create you're going to create nothing you're going to spin your wheels okay because that's what you believe that you can create for yourself I promise you this is going to happen over and over and

over again look at your whole life up until now and whatever you have believed most and focused on most about money in your life is going to be your current results guaranteed so you can either stay and and by the way even if you stay over here and scarcity it's not any worse than in abundance okay it is just a neutral it's just what you have chosen but knowing that you are choosing which path you take is huge you're choosing your adventure it's everything because then you are in control of that and it feels so much better you're honest with yourself you know all the things and then you're like no I'm I'm still over here I'm going to stay there that's fine

but you know it so let's say that you are in the possibility phase right where it's possible that I could create an x amount of dollars when you are in this phase I can almost promise you maybe you've been here in the past this is what happens a lot we'll get into this possibility phase and we really truly believe that we can create the value that we want to create the money per year in this example I'm using a hundred thousand dollars per year okay fill it in with whatever it is for you don't get stuck on a hundred thousand dollar thing whatever goal that you want to create moving forward so you're open to believing it you're starting to look for the possibilities of how you can make

that and and inevitably what will happen is challenges will come your way that try to prove this new possibility wrong you will get an unexpected bill for your car breaks down eight hundred dollars and you have to pay it today or else you don't have a car and if you don't have a car you can't go create the money right there's always inevitably something okay so just expect that to happen and when it does your lower brain will try to grab all the reasons all of your old beliefs or current beliefs really that you're trying to move from to prove that this is a silly Venture oh who are you to think that you can create a hundred thousand dollars a year look at this you

can't even pay this car bill you can't even pay your electric the Electric's going to be turned off next week this will happen I can almost guarantee it things will pop up out of the blue to challenge you this is just part of the process so the sooner that you learn to expect that the more prepared you are when they do pop up so car problem pops up right as you're starting to come over to this belief who are you to believe that you could not ever do this of course this isn't in your card so you have the option right there to go back and find more evidence to support how this could never happen What Was I Thinking of course I should just stay in my lane or you can choose to believe

that you can overcome that you are resourceful enough to solve the problem and still go on to believing the new belief that you can create the hundred thousand dollars okay so when if and when this does come up a situation similar to this does come up for you I want you to consider what it would be like for you to believe that you are on your way to creating this 100K but you just don't yet have access to the money to pay this electric bill or the car bill or whatever it is how would that thought feel that belief feel as opposed to believing it's hopeless I can't do it let's go back over here you can decide nope I know I'm just growing this little baby seat of a belief over here that I

can make the 100K and I'm gonna push on through and I'm going to choose to believe I choose to believe that I can create that 100K but I just don't have access to it right at this moment that is an entirely different feeling that you will create for yourself I can create this 100K just because this thing happened with my car or the electric bill came back and it's super high this month doesn't mean anything about my capability to make the money and so I know that I'm resourceful enough I'm creative enough I had the tenacity the Charisma and the intelligence the motivation needed to cultivate create the value that will make me a hundred thousand dollars in a year I just don't

have access to it now and that's okay I'll get creative I'll figure this out option one and option two are going to give you two entirely different results but you have the same circumstances going on with option one you will go back over into the old belief and hide in the case right and you'll be like see I knew it wasn't possible for me it's just only possible for those people over there it's not possible for me an option too you you haven't left your goal you were still headed for that 100K you're not going to let this little thing stop you it's okay I just don't have access to the money now and when you're there possibility isn't shut down you are not

shut down your resourcefulness is not shut down your creativity your determination all of the things you need to motivate you and push you forward don't get cut off and blocked it's still a possibility I just don't have access yet so much easier to move from there it feels more productive so that's something that I just want to offer you to consider for your own self see how that feels there and then because you're not cutting off your determination your resourcefulness then you can work on trying to create that money that you need for the car for the electric or whatever and then I know some of you will be like yeah but Shelby reality like what if that doesn't get

paid then what then all of the other plans go to right we have to pay the electric bill or else the electric gets shut off and then I want you to consider what is the story that you're telling yourself about whatever this bill is is it the end of the world for real or could you not pay this bill and call and get a payment extension or maybe if it's the car the car doesn't get paid maybe you catch a ride with somebody else what is the story that you're telling yourself about that because that story is likely a limiting one that's holding you back from creating moving through and getting to the other side you will find all the evidence to support this old stronger

belief when this this baby belief is just barely sprouting up like imagine it's like a sprout a bean sprout coming from the ground and if it's just peeking its little top out of the soil it's going to be flimsy it's not strong yet it's not a strong belief and over here you have got this whole system of beliefs to support why it isn't possible for you okay so remember keep that visualization in your mind okay over here this is a baby belief I have to feed this belief I have to nurture this belief in order to grow it into something that is actually the same strength of machine is this old belief that I've held on to for decades this is a well-oiled machine over here so of

course it's going to be a lot more powerful in you so if you want to stop that cycle jump on a different a more productive way of thinking then this shall help so to recap first become aware of your current patterns money is money was money will be finish those sentences next is to learn how to want from abundance want what you already have without changing the number the bottom line in your bank account and then lastly you consciously choose your new thoughts the thoughts that help you surrounding the money that you want to create in the future okay and look at all the beliefs the ones that are unhelpful for you and find evidence for new better beliefs I told you there's no

like hierarchy in beliefs but like more productive beliefs and you don't necessarily have to change them today or ever really but just knowing what you're choosing and why you're choosing it and liking why okay I think that is everything you don't have to change a damn thing so long as you know why you're doing it okay okay my folks so I will see you next week thanks so much for listening today guys I'm honored that you chose to share your time with me if you like what you've been hearing and you want more come join me in the new monthly membership where we take the concepts that you hear about here and using a logical framework you learn to apply them to your specific situations

upgrading your thoughts and your life even while experiencing the grief of alienation for more information go to beyondthehighroad.com see you soon thank you