From Lack To Abundance: How To Heal Generational Trauma for Alienated Parents

you are listening to the Bey on the high road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 88 stay tuned hey everybody how we doing I'm G to go through a couple announcements because I seem to forget to do that so quickly as always Facebook lives I'm doing Fridays at noon eastern time every Friday and then also I'm thinking about starting a Tik Tok live as it sits I'm thinking about doing those on Mondays at 10:00 a.m. I know it seems kind of like an odd time but after doing the little bit of research that I did this was one of the days that actually fits in with the rest of my schedule like client schedule for the week and this was like a a good day so or maybe Monday at 3 was another time

to do it so anyway stay tuned if you don't follow me on Tik Tok it's app Beyond Road coach and Instagram is beyond the high road coaching I think yeah then go go do that go go follow um and then you get little clips from each of the episodes throughout the week so there's that also I want to do another webinar sort of event I need your help because I want to know what it is that you want to learn about okay as it relates to your situation of alienation so just shoot me a a message via any of the social media platforms you can always leave me a voicemail um you know through Spotify and that link is always below I think on all the platforms yeah I just checked if

you scroll down all the way in the show notes for each episode there is a send in a voice message little linky Dink and so then you can send me a voice message and let me know what it is that you want to hear it's all very convenient right there click the link hi chelby blah blah blah ringy dingy and there you have it simple the benefit that I get out of that is I've actually gotten pretty good now um like comfortable with Facebook lives and that format but I'm still not on my aame as far as like the webinars and stuff and so I want to keep doing it and getting better and better right that's the benefit that I receive and you get the benefit of learning new stuff okay so there's that it's a

working give give sort of relationship there and then also if you wouldn't mind please I would love it so much and be so appreciative if you would rate and review if this show has been helping you and if you are finding relief from any of the episodes then I would love it if you would share that with the world via if you're going to write a review via Apple podcast because that's the only one that I think you can actually write the written review which is ridiculous but anyway um please do and that way other parents can that are hurting just like you and me can come and be less hurting and then I also in return the more people that are coming and listening to the episodes the more that

I can justify going and hiring out right so that the production and the content I have more time to spend on the content and the show gets better for you so again give give Circle okay so today we are going to be talking about the lovely topic of living in lack the comfortability of living in a lack mindset can't do its impossible maybe poverty mindset could go on with that too maybe you have struggle with like in your mind it's never been a reality for you to live in abundance of any kind right it doesn't just have to be with money although you can surely apply it this way parents like us that have gone through what we have are likely to have been in situations in childhood where we felt

like we were lacking also too because a lot of us come from that era our parents let us run around like it was the Wild Wild West and so we weren't looked after in the same way that maybe you chose to parent your children so there's this feeling of like not having enough guidance not having enough support not having enough resources to get you where you need to go and be equipped as an adult I think it's really it's a human experience to feel this way and because we compare ourselves out and it just happens to be that we compare ourselves to those who have more than us you know we never compare even Stephen right but we look at the people that have more than us and

then we're like well why don't I have that and so it gives us this unfair view of our odds at winning our capacity to overcome whatever happened in our childhood you get it so by the end of this um episode epode I want to have given you guys the understanding and also some steps to take if you feel like any part of your life like any aspect of your life seems impossible to change maybe as a result of generational trauma some sort of generational curse if you feel like because of alienation that you can't do better for yourself that you shouldn't do better for yourself that what's the use of trying anyway because you're still not going to be happy once you achieve those things or maybe you're

feeling guilty there's shame talking if that's you then listen up if you feel like there are areas in your life that are just fact and they will not change because it's not in the cards for you or it's just not your destiny then I want you to know all it takes is an act of Will on your part to change it that's all it is to break a cycle it takes intention on your part it is just the desire to change and a desire to put a stop to whatever patterns have been going on before you are not cursed you are not bound and determined destined to live in whatever lack that you might have been living in up until now it does not mean because that's all you've known that that's all you need to know and

will say too that I believe like for me let me just talk about me so I'm not telling you what I think that your priority should be but for me I believe that it was is my duty to be the one to put a stop to it even if my daughter is not in my home now putting a stop to the cycle is absolutely my duty and it can be done from afar it's all in the way that you're looking at it it's an act of will that's it it is that simple now is it is simple to implement no not really because it requires your continued repeated dedication and commitment to changing the cycle but really all it is is looking at all of the beliefs that you have the things that seem so finite in your life

question all of it instead of taking things for face value and just assuming because it's been for so long that it needs to remain I have the messiest garage I have tons of tools I have more power tools than any guy probably listening right now I do it's impressive because I used to do woodwork having said that I do not keep things neat out there partly I'm going to go ahead and blame my ADHD brain but I will clean the place I'll take everything out of my garage I'll put it out in the driveway I mean I've believe lived in this house for 3 years but it happens in every house I've been in since I've collected tools but I put everything out in the driveway I decide what I want to keep

what I want to whatever and I put it back in nicely now that I've cleaned it up I want to go out there and I'm excited to use the tools and I [ __ ] you not within a week the garage turns right back into how it was before in no time flat and then my point of this is that I will walk out there like it is right now and I will be stepping over things and going under things and leaning over to open some drawer looking for one little drill bit that I need like a star key for something takes me forever and I in my mind when I'm going to do that I feel like those obstacles are bolted into the ground when most of those things have wheels or they're just easy move but in

my mind at the time it's just you know like I have to maneuver around everything because it feels so permanent you know and it's the same thing with the thoughts and beliefs that we really know we probably could question and maybe we know that like truly aren't fact but because our subconscious is running our main functions throughout the day the beliefs that we run on are those ones that we haven't questioned or picked up to move out of the way and so it feels so difficult you don't know the reason you're feeling exhausted is because you've been thinking all morning about the fact that you can't afford your bills or because you have so much to do today scarcity of time maybe

you're feeling angry and Moody and you don't know why but come to find out it's because all day long you've been thinking about what a jackass your ex is being and because your boss is doing this and blah blah blah it's all of these thoughts that are unattended to in your mind beliefs that are unattended to in your mind that have been causing you to sort of go in out up around duck under jump over in order to get you from point A to point be throughout your day it's like your day can actually be simplified and feel abundant but yet you're having to jump through hoops of lack and climb up ladders of Despair run circles around your feeling of lack and not enough inness not being able to pay

your utilities and all that stuff all of those thoughts and beliefs cause your overall state of mind and belief system about what is possible for you what is not possible for you so if you're feeling exhausted if you're feeling like yeah that life looks great or those possibilities look great on that person they could get that opportunity but I can't because of all of the stress and I just can't add another thing on my plate I don't know how they do it it's just so exhausting it's because you're not managing and lassoing in all of these limiting beliefs about yourself and about what you're capable love in your life here's the thing listening to this podcast is fantastic and all the other

things that you're doing as far as like consuming information you need it I need it I spend so much of my time watching podcasts on YouTube and um reading I've back into audible recently it it is so important to learn new information I learn it so that I can apply it to us and spit it back out to you guys but if you're only doing the listening the consuming that is like the passive kind of action you need need need to be implementing the steps especially when we're talking about changing a longtime pattern of lack of some sort in your life right if you are under earning and under earning really just means earning less than you know you're capable of there's no like standard for that for

each person it's their own if you're underperforming same thing there if you are wanting to be further but haven't really made any strides in getting there and you feel blocked right you need to figure out where that is coming from and it here's the one rule is it can't be from anything outside of you it can't be because well I mean it can be but that's what we have to look at so if your thought is I can't do anything because the alienator blah blah blah or because my kids blah blah blah I can't make money now because they have gone told all the people in my town and now I'm stuck and I can't make money you know those kinds of things then we really have to look at what you're considering

like what you're thinking is possible for you in your life and because I promise you if no matter what your circumstance is unless you are incarcerated not funny there are possibilities there are ways there is opportunity for you now today in order to provide for yourself support yourself and get further than where you are right now it may take lot of lots of Little Steps but there are ways and you may not always like the ways that are in front of you but making the best choice between the choices that you have is the way out him and and Han about it isn't going to get you anywhere and that actually brings me to my next point is that for so long what I did and I didn't

even realize this until I was like way out of it is that me concentrating on how much I was lacking lacking resources lacking money right finances lacking support from others lacking knowhow lacking time I was all of these were so so big for me and still some of them really still are I noticed unhelpful thoughts come up for me all the time where I'm like wait that's not true I have to stop and like question myself but for so long when I was spinning and I can't I don't have enough money I don't know how to do it this all feels so hard I don't have enough time this is exhausting I need to sleep all of that it was a choice the choice to pay attention to how I couldn't do all the

things kept me from finding ways of doing the things it was a way to buffer away the discomfort of trying something new of using my brain and learning how to find the resources right I think honestly the best gift that I was given back then was not being given the resources do you know what I'm saying not being given the knowhow nobody gave me a cheat sheet or some road mapap to learning how to heal from this [ __ ] awful situation of alienation that we're in nobody gave me there was no other person out there and so I had to create this way for myself and so I had to pull from different sources and different people and be like all right what's going to work what's not and a lot of

things I would try and didn't work and I wasted a good amount of money that I didn't have at the time on it but if I wouldn't have tried those things even though I don't use them today the the education and some of the classes I took a whole certification I took some of the methods that I came up with myself yeah it was time spent right it was time invested in something that ultimately didn't work but if I didn't find out what didn't work then I never would have found out what did work so many of you I see like and I understand it right cuz I was there I see like not making a move because you don't want to make the wrong move I don't want to waste my money I

don't want to waste my time my effort my I don't want to get my hopes up and go down the wrong path and then find out that I'm like out a dead end then what I wouldn't be able to handle the let down this is the biggest trap ever believing that lie none of it's wasted all of your efforts contribute to your end result your whole journey all of the good stuff comes in the mistakes and trying and figuring it out you need and I know you hear this all the time but I promise you it's true is that you need the mistakes in order to give you data to go back in it's like get collect what got me uh in a better mindset about this is I heard from my mentor collect as many fails as

you can a 100 fails is what she told me any habit that you're trying to change any goal that you're trying to attain go for the fails because it's in the fails that you learn the most valuable information about what to do next it's in the fails that you develop the tenacity and the grit needed in order to pull yourself out of this in my mind how I was back then this well with no exit doors or Windows you know I needed to develop the determination and the self trust you learn that you can provide for yourself and you can supply yourself with all the resources necessary in order for you to succeed in order for you to heal in order for you to break the cycle of generational trauma of

generational abuse poverty lack all of it you got to develop that relationship with yourself and the way to do it is when you're in the trenches when there are no distractions the distractions that you create for yourself you have to just keep redirecting and get back in focus and where's my mission right now the story you tell is the story that you will live that will be your reality we as humans we look for information outside of us and also within us to support reinforce that which we already believe even if what we already believe does not serve us below when we are feeling like oh we can't that's not for me that's not my reality they can heal from this they

can get ahead in life pay for an attorney but it's not for me maybe in your situation it wasn't possible for you as a child and so you've never seen that as it relates to you you've never seen a mom or father provide for themselves or maybe they didn't encourage you enough to provide for yourself right maybe you felt less than as a child that's okay I like to look at it as that all of the disadvantages I believed that I had were all there in order for me to overcome like that is the mission that's why it was there is so that I could overcome it not to keep me down and backed into a corner but because that was what I was supposed to actually come through and over to the

other side they were there for me and so even with the situation of alienation yeah it's horrible it's tragic I wouldn't wish it on anybody and I want my daughter home with me like yesterday and I wish I could get all the time back at the same time it was there because I was supposed to overcome it you are supposed to overcome this you are supposed to be on the other side sharing your message to your world and encouraging others to do the same that's the only way that we as a group this maybe less than desirable club that we've all entered together somebody gave us our membership card we wanted to run for the Hills right but now that we're here let's use it let's give parents

like us let's represent you know we don't have to live into the narrative that others are giving us sort of like I was talking about I think last week somebody will actually author your story if you don't but you are the one that can do it best you decide what matters to you in your world and what you're supposed to be overcoming and if you are telling yourself the story that nobody in my family has ever gone to college or or made enough money to pay for an attorney or whatever it is that you're telling yourself you write the ending to that you write what you want to happen and look to that as opposed to looking for the evidence the shitty crappy evidence that's only created what you

have up until now you're just going and I know I know I talk with you guys about this a lot but like I said I see a lot of you you'll listen um and this is just the way that we do things is that we listen to the information but then if we're not implementing these simple things right that I'm talking about being diligent with and questioning your beliefs about what is possible for you then you're going to continue to hold on to these beliefs without even knowing it you know what just came up for me right now is that I was thinking about um inside out it inside out too is coming out I am so excited you guys I am so excited this is like I honestly think that for kids this is such a great

resource of a movie the first one was and inside out too I have high hopes for it so we'll see but if you ever if you haven't heard me talk about this before and if you ever want a very simplified way of looking at how emotions and how the mind works and how subconscious beliefs and memories work go watch that movie it is amazingly accurate for a kid movie you know anyway what you see will dictate your reality and what you see is a choice it's very very very important that you understand that every time you have a thought about something that's outside of you an interpretation a perspective it's a choice maybe at first you did it on default but you can turn back around

and be like whoa do I do I will to believe that does that feel good for me how does it feel is that causing me to continue to reproduce lack in my life or is it causing me to feel motivated feel driven move toward something new right and it will be scary you guys it will be scary I have a client right now who has been settling for mediocrity she has been with the same company for over three decades she's a value to the company she knows her [ __ ] and she can't remember the last time that she actually went up for a promotion there are jobs posted promotions posted all the time and she hasn't ever done it because in her mind after the alienation and because of the upbringing she came from

and being in lack not feeling supplied with resources not considering what might be possible for her she thinks that if she goes through the interview process she might draw too much attention to herself and they might realize that they don't want her anymore that she has phased out and they want to replace her with somebody younger and new I looked at her with so much love but also with this like disbelief she couldn't see how much value that she brings how much knowledge she carries and she's trying to tell herself that if she puts in for a promotion that she will draw attention to herself and they'll let her go after all this time where her bosses might be thinking you

know the higher ups could think if they were doing her quarterly review or whatever why hasn't she like if I was her boss I would be like why haven't you tried to advance your career to advance your yourself with this company right why are you just staying there are you not committed enough you've been here for this long why are you accepting such mediocrity right right she's not mediocre she has so much to offer to this company but she doesn't see that within herself and this is as a result of being in her mind devalued by the person who is alienating her now adult son from her and from also in her childhood right she's never actually considered what she might have to offer

in that way and this is so typical of you and I of other parents that are going through alienation we don't consider how much value we actually have to offer and how much capacity that you actually have when you have been living in your survival brain for extended periods of time this is what it looks like you just want to keep like head down eyes to the ground don't make any waves we don't want to draw too much attention to ourselves and blow up our own life so instead if we could just just keep on like I was talking about last week just like idling along then we'll be fine so long as we're not dying dead then everything is fine we can just accept what is given to us living in

lack becomes comfortable and almost preferred that's the way you're working from survival brain that you will operate I was talking about this also in that uh childhood trauma episode that we get so comfortable living in that lack and we find all the reasons to support why we should live in lack a lot of times we'll tell ourselves I mean I've heard it all over the board but we'll say oh well I don't need any more than this this is fine for me we'll look at others who are creating more and look down on them we find reasons why they're seeking betterment for their life and for their bank account for their whatever and make up stories that they're being greedy or they don't care

about what's really important in life because they're only focused on you know money or something and let's be real money it takes money to live in this world we need money to put a roof over our heads we need money to pay for our car to put food on our bellies it's not like by creating money here's what I think about it and I know sometimes because of this judgment that we all have been brought up to put on money this is a weird subject to address but when a good person a person like you and me people that care about the world when we make money then we can do good things with that money when people that don't care about the world make money then they do more things to not care about

the world do you know what I'm saying like it matters about the person who the money is in the hands of that was backwards way of saying it but you know what I'm saying like money makes you more it makes you able to be more of who you are it's like a magnifying glass right and so if you want to be good and do more good and the world make more money and you will be able to create more opportunities for yourself and for those who you are trying to help it's not about greed at all there's not like if you make money that you're taking away from somebody else that's not making money more money is created and is being circulated every day in this world you know that's just how it works

there's not a limited amount that you're taking away from somebody else so let that belief go if that is part of like the reason why you don't Advance yourself you know is because oh I don't want to be greedy this is a lot of people's beliefs but I also believe that these deterrents right that your mind uses that the survival brain uses are all ways to keep you buffering and out of discomfort because if we do go for the promotion then we also know that we have to put ourselves out there and we could get rejected did we could get turned down and nobody likes to be turned down right nobody likes to hear no about themselves and what I told my client about this promotion and you

apply this to any other area that you feel like you might get turned down is that when you if and when you ever get turned down it is not about you it never is it's about what they are thinking and what they are looking for they have a list of like for my client they have a list of boxes that need to be ticked and if those boxes aren't ticked or maybe more boxes are ticked that weren't on there sometimes people don't want that either they have a specific Avatar in mind and if you don't fit it it doesn't say anything about you it says something about what they want you know what I'm saying don't take it personally and that goes for all the things out there it's

not about you and if there are areas that you know that you aren't um like where you could be bettering yourself then let's take those steps to better yourself so that you can get to where you want so that you're not in a place of lack again this doesn't have to only apply to money this can apply to any thing in your life you know what I'm saying if you want you know to to feel better about yourself okay where are the areas that you feel are lacking right now do you not have the self trust do you not have uh a strong relationship to with yourself you know do you feel like you lack diligence or whatever it is look at those things be like real honest with yourself about those things and

then you you can actually do something it's nothing to feel bad about it's it's actually the best starting point ever is like okay these are the areas that I am I do feel like I could be better in if you want to put it these are the areas that I am lacking at the moment but now that I know that the cups aren't full here then I can go figure out what I want to fill them with and do it it's all in the way that you're looking at it don't let it hold you back if you're lacking in something let's do something about that all right so it takes an act of will to break any sort of generational pattern and that act of will is simple it comes from you it's a desire you speak it over yourself also

be careful what you are speaking over yourself somebody wrote me a comment just I just saw it yesterday and I see them all the time this is the first one that came to my mind but this mom put I'm So defeated I knew what she meant I get it right I've I can't even probably count how many times I've said that identical thing or something very similar to that but when you say I'm so defeated what do you think you're going to create in your life what do you think you're going to perpetuate maybe I feel defeated the little change in that makes a huge huge difference I feel defeated right now but I know that I will not be defeated nobody can defeat me I decide how I want to win I decide if I'm

winning right now most of the time these I know this is so cliche you guys and I'm doing one after another but like when these doors close don't look at it as an ending But A New Beginning just look at all of it as opportunity okay okay as opposed to what is going to keep you down the other day I was watching uh the school of greatness um LS house podcast I watch it on YouTube and he had Dean graziosi on who I read a couple of his books back in like the 2018 up the house in the hill 2019 era they're easy to read very easy reads his stuff Dean grazios is more of a he's another entrepreneurial coach um but he came from this is what I want to share with you is that he came from a

lot of lack in his life growing up he shared about how his parents split up when he was like 12 his father was pretty abusive mom stayed in the house that they had I guess and dad was living in like a trailer park or something but he was living in poverty and he would come with a baseball bat and break out all the windows of the house and of his mom's car he would torment Dean's mom the way he talked about it was even more matter fact as I just did right here and he said which I found was interesting too I wondered it sounded a little bit like an alienation situation or at least course of control for sure because he said he went at 12 years old he went to his father and said what will it take

for you to stop messing with Mom and his father said if you move in with me I'll never bother your mom again and so that's what he did at 12 years old he made the decision talk about adultification to move in with his dad who was living in poverty and didn't have all the things that he had over at Mom's house he was talking about his his bike his friends and they lived in a culde saac and everything over at Mom's house but at Dad's house they lived in like this slum basically the way that he told this story though was so impressive because just like I was talking about the end of last week's episode how you tell the story about your past says everything about where you are today the

past does not need to Define you you define your past he looked at his past as what actually pushed him into creating a life of abundance because he didn't ever want to live in poverty again and by the time he was 24 or 27 he was supporting both his mom and dad separately right he he they stopped having to work and he did all of it from then on which is you know it's like an anomaly but he used his past to push him forward not to hold him back so we you hear us me included you know oh I didn't have the resources I didn't have the knowhow I didn't have he oh he dropped at a high school he also has a couple learning disabilities ADHD being one of them but also maybe dyslexia so he had

all of these circumstances predicaments that could actually hold him back and do hold so many other people back even just having one of those things and instead not in spite of it but because of it he created this life where he's now in the top .1% of the world and that's exactly what post-traumatic growth is right it's not becoming enlightened and evolving yourself in spite of what is happened it is evolving yourself because of it right it's the reason why for me with alienation again I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy I wish my daughter would home with me today and that she had been with me the whole time at the same time I know that I would not be the woman I

am today without it alienation and all that happened as a result of the abuse that I endured and let's be honest the abuser is still active abusers are still active in their efforts without their behavior without that I would not have made the decisions I made to better myself so I am absolutely a better woman a better mom even even from afar and a better person because what happened during the alienation am I going to go out and thank him actually I did that once I did I thanked him in a in an email once but whatever um because at this point I don't care and I don't have the ego left most of it anyway to I don't worry about that anymore I don't care what he thinks I still have some

some a lot of forgiving to do on the Stepmom fronts but that's for another day but yeah I truly believe that this situation of alienation has caused me to come into myself and also to create my own feeling of abundance in my life and when you feel abundant you start seeing examples of abundance around you one other thing that I wanted to bring up is that I heard somebody say it the other day and I cannot remember for the life of me with it was but some they were talking about bouncing back bouncing back from where you were right on my Instagram even I have get your spark back and I still really do like that tagline but then this person said I don't want to bounce back to where I was

I want to bounce forward so it's not about bouncing back to how things were trying to recreate what already was no I want to advance bounce forward into something new start creating new for myself so letting go of that story about what you had before the relationship that was at one point how things were let that go instead decide what you want to create moving forward and when I say that I'm not saying let your children go if that's not what you want to do then don't don't do that you know I mean how do you want it to be from now forward what are you working toward not what are you working back to because that can never happen ever I have um five or six

clients and previous clients that in the last eight weeks or so have each one of them has come to me at some point to report back some version of you need to have a program for parents that have reunited with their children there is a whole another bag of problems challenges that comes with with the reunification the reconnection so just be careful what you wish for and I don't mean like don't wish for the reconnection I cannot wait for the day that that will happen and I trust that it will but also remember that it's not going to just go back to how it was you want to look towards what you want to create so I think that that is it's it's key if you want to keep the

airf flow you want to keep the energy moving in the in the quote unquote right direction moving forward and rebuilding your life it's so important for you to start looking forward and not looking back behind you you don't want to recreate even if the memories that you had before were so amazing let them be amazing and let's create something even better for you moving forward right taking all the things that you've learned from all of this alienation no matter how short or long it's been since you've seen your children or connected with them now all of the good stuff that you've learned you take that integrate that in with your relationship that you do have use that to build on don't just

pretend like this didn't happen you can't it's like it's impossible it's just like that song I was thinking about the other day with that the song I should have made this two different episodes actually because I'm I'm going into it this is a whole different section of it that song by mamore the good old days um I hear that lot while I'm working out but always plays when I'm doing my cardio workouts but anyway you can't go back to the good old days no matter what right even like we're talking about the fun years of your childhood of your young adulthood those days were there for a reason and you going back have you ever tried to Uncle Rico it and gone back and tried to

recreate the fun party days and then you just like look like the odd 40-year-old out at a bar it's not it's not cute you can tell I'm not talking from personal experience or anything but anyway you can't recreate it let's make something new for yourself when you try to recreate it you're coming from that place of lack again and you want to come from a place of abundance so how you do it the second that you start saying I don't have the blah blah blah stop yourself dead in your tracks wait a second I don't have it now but how can I get it how can I create this do I even need blah blah blah in order to create what I want to do ahead right how did other people in a similar situation than

me get there find that evidence look for new evidence to support the new narrative okay I cannot stress this enough the more that it becomes feasible because you're surrounding yourself with with evidence that it is feasible right the more that it feels possible for you sooner get there so this means also and I was talking about this and that I forgot which episode but I was talking about like auditing your influences social media and all that stuff who you're surrounding yourself with will make or break your process to get in there it will make it so much harder on you if you are surrounding yourself with people that are waiting you down and I don't mean to sound like um snobby or

like uh what's the word opportunistic when I say this but you need to take care of you right now if you're in this this rebuilding phase of your life and let's face it most of us are um it's not selfish to take care of you and let people go if you need to if you notice that you're you're feeling drained or pulled in a direction that doesn't feel authentic to where you're going and where you want to be going then let these people go being responsible for them and their well-being is not your job okay I mean I say this with all the love in my heart and I know how hard it is to cut ties with some people but sometimes it is just time to complete certain relationships that's saying

people are in your life for a season a reason whatever I don't ever remember that saying but you know what I'm talking about there are relationships that are not supposed to continue and the longer they do is the longer you stay stagnant back in those patterns in those habits in that way of thinking because what you surround yourself with will become your reality right so do that audit because if you're surrounding yourself with people that are you're maybe are not yet to where they're at but they are doing things creating things in their life that energy to be around that is infectious and you will start to see it's possible for them and it can be possible for you okay so that

is huge huge become curious about your your thoughts and what you're telling yourself about what you need and what you don't have find ways that you already do have everything that you need because we do we have each of us are born with exactly what we need all of these circumstances are just in the situation of alienation are just ingredients that we need in order to make our final dish Masterpiece it's all working for you another habit that I think is amazing to incorporate what do you do first thing in the morning when you wake up whatever time you wake up I don't really subscribe to the I mean I see the purpose in it it's not that you need to wake up at a specific time every day if

your job or your life doesn't support that if you work nights and you aren't waking up at 5:00 a.m. that's okay I'm a bigger supporter of getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep every night is more important than what time you wake up in the morning so long as when you do wake up and I say in the morning you know what I'm saying but your Habit in that 30 minute period right after you wake up is very important and it is very telling about what you're going to be creating in your life moving forward you know like your odds of quote unquote success are easy to tell by your morning routine that's what I'm saying so if you're getting up and what I I recently had to stop I'd been slowly putting a stop to

it especially for years I've been eliminating eliminating eliminating little things and finally I'm now at the place where I don't sit down in the morning I learned this from my ex you know the Byron guy the last guy I've never heard of this in my life until I met him but he had this habit we would wake up in the morning and first thing he'd be like I need to go sit down I was always like what I always looked at him like he was [ __ ] crazy like what do you mean you need to go sit down you just woke up you were just laying down for however many hours what you me you need to go sit down I need to go get take a sit down collect myself after my eight hour NP I wish something was crazy

but lo and behold I picked up that habit and I just recently in the last few months finally break the last part of it I would tell myself I would sit down to have a cup of coffee wink wink and that cup of coffee coffee would take 30 minutes and I was like what am I doing with my time this is not I don't want to spend my time that way I do have scheduled time for myself like that after I get my tasks done throughout the day and I actually schedule a lunch for myself and a workout whatever so I schedule that time but I schedule it and I'm not just sitting around soaking in pop culture first thing in the morning on my TV and on my phone right so getting up and immediately getting

yourself centered and then into action is so helpful that's just a tip you need take it or leave it but it it it is to me um I heard that on a I think it was actually like I remember where I was when I heard it but it was a podcast I think it was the Jenna cutcher's podcast back in like 2018 I think and she had a guest on that was talking about this he was like I can tell your odds for success by coming to your house in the morning and watching you for the first hour after you wake up to see what you're going to create in your life I felt so exposed listening to that episode right I I haven't listened to her in I don't know how long but I was like oh my gosh has he been like

spying on me because the first thing I would do go sit down and watch some prices right do nothing play Candy Crush back then so anyway those are some good habits just who you're hanging out with question these beliefs that you're lacking find ways that you're not lacking and that it's there for you and what are you doing first thing in the morning okay and that those three things if you start implementing those in your life watch it change watch and see what you create I'm not kidding so all right that's all I have for you I've talked a ton and I know I forgot stuff even but um I think you guys got like good to for in that episode so don't forget um Friday is

Facebook live at noon eastern time and then Monday I'll be doing Tik Tok live either at 10: a or 3 pm I'm sorry I don't know yet but uh follow me on social media and I will drop a post on Tik Tok over the weekend to let you know for sure what daytime okay it'll be my first time ever going live on Tik Tok so that should be interesting oh and it's going to be a like a Q&A so it's going to be a little different work Facebook I will delve a little deeper into the episode weekly episode um Tik Tok I'm just going to do a Q&A and it could be on anything having to do with alienation and you're positioning yourself in it it doesn't just have to be about your healing although of course I am who I am

and I will always weave that into it you know so um yeah that's it you got oh and send me what it is that you would want to spend your time you know two hours uh of your valuable time learning about from me like what is it that's bugging you that you wish you knew so that I can create a little webinar for you all right okay bye