In episode 129 of 'Beyond the High Road' podcast, Shelby discusses the emotional challenges faced by alienated parents and those experiencing grief. The episode begins by reflecting on the importance of engaging in hobbies & pleasures that cultivate patience and dedication. She emphasizes the power of shifting one's mindset from merely surviving to thriving, even during the grief of alienation. Drawing from personal anecdotes and client experiences, Shelby encourages listeners to actively shape a fulfilling future rather than settling for mediocrity or avoiding pain. She argues that embracing growth and finding deeper meaning in life can ultimately lead to post-traumatic growth and a more enriched life experience. The episode also touches on the biological implications of prolonged isolation and the importance of loving oneself to break out of negative emotional cycles. Shelby concludes with a call to embrace opportunities for joy and not resign to a life of low-grade suffering.

 

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

  You are listening to the beyond the high road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 129. Stay tuned. Hey guys, how are we doing today? just been admiring my beautiful Hoyas. This one's so, I don't know if you can see it, but it was here. Cause I'm doing some rehabbing with. This guy, a little bit, I actually just need to repot him, and then also another orchid, but do you see how fuzzy this guy is?

Do you see the fuzzy leaves? Like, I don't know if I can get it that close. It's so fuzzy like a peach. And these leaves down at the bottom right here, like there's one, two, and then three on this side too. They were there underneath. The bottom leaves are always fuzzier than the, I mean, the newer leaves are always fuzzier than the older leaves.

By the time they get older, they are a little bit less, but those leaves that are big now were like the size of my pinky nail. Uh, I don't know, four days ago. So it's growing. Just bought it. Maybe, I don't know, a few weeks back. Anyway. Hi. How are you guys today? Sorry if some of you aren't, plant lovers.

I've really gotten into it because I think it's just something, it is something to take care of, right? They are something to take care of. Like, I never understood when people were like, I'm a plant parent. I was always like, that's lame. And now I get it because it takes a lot of love and time and attention, dedication, devotion, you know, all those things.

It's definitely can't replace your kiddo, but it's a really fun hobby to have. So if I can share that with you and it inspires you to, get into plants or even something else that you develop a love for. I think it's, um, You know, all those little things really, really help, um, towards creating, building the new you, like the new wholeness of you, you know?

Not that you need to leave old you behind, well, maybe you do, um, depends on how you're looking at it. We've talked about that pretty recently, but, you know, and dropping your ego and stuff like that, but it's just I don't know things that require like the detailed attention and some love and dedication and time patience and they're great skills like patients.

Is a great skill to learn through a hobby like this or, um, I don't know, I'm sure there's many of them out there, , that require the same sort of skills, but anyway, that's just a side note, but it actually does kind of go in a little bit with today's topic, which, um, I don't foresee this being a long episode, but you know, who knows?

Cause sometimes I just start get, get a talking the thing that I've been wanting, to discuss, it's been in my notes now for, I don't know, a few weeks, it's sort of a

sneaky little mindset, or belief, that so many of us, not just alienated parents, but yes, alienated, there's a different, Uh, there's like a nuanced something else that goes with it with alienated parents, but also those experiencing any type of grief, right, whether it was the death of a loved one or just a loss, perceived loss especially somebody that was like

Core to you, like one of your core few support or family somebody that you devoted your time and attention to on a daily basis or on a very regular basis, we, resign ourselves to this, like, new normal. Or this mediocre life moving forward, like, is this all that life is going to be, and many of you don't even post it as a question, like, is this all there is left for me?

Is this what life is going to be like from here forward? Many of you have it as All I can hope for is to just not hurt so much moving forward. all of these kinds of thoughts sound noble and they sound kind of productive, right? All I can hope for is the bright future of tomorrow. But even that one is a bit more hopeful than like, All I can hope for is to not feel the pain of my yesteryear, you know, I don't mean to laugh about it, but this is something that I hear from so many of you in regular passing conversations.

Sometimes I don't think that y'all even notice that it's there. This is what we do. You know, that's why it's always helpful to have a coach or somebody else that can, you can bounce ideas off of somebody that's, I. I think the best would be somebody that's trained in hearing, and pointing out for you, though, the ways that you're wording things, because the way that you word things and the tone with which you say them to yourself and out there to the world is going to change, as you've heard me before, you know, ad nauseum, is going to change your whole entire experience of your life today and moving forward,

if you're thinking to yourself, all I can hope for is to just not be in the pain that I was in before. All I can hope for is to get by, survive for the rest of my life. Nothing will be the same now that my kid is gone. Now, with that one, it's true. and I don't know about nothing, but many things will not be the same.

But they never really are the same, they never are. like when they started walking. Things were never the same as when they were the infant that was pooing in your, arms, And you were nursing them or feeding them in the middle of the night. They're not going to be the same once they take off on their feet. And then when they go into kindergarten, things will never be the same again. You will not have those, sweet moments that you once had, watching Sesame Street or whatever it is that you watch.

Sesame Street's kind of aged out now, but you know what I'm saying. When they go from grade school to middle school, middle school to high school, and on, , and parents do go through a great deal of grief, so things really aren't ever going to be the same, but with us, we have this added grief of losing out on these moments that we truly thought that we would have and really, our right to have them, we've lost out on our right to have them, many of us anyway, I know that are still in contact and are exercising your, Your parental rights, so in that case, then you may be grieving the, how you thought it might be, right? How the, maybe you're grieving the blissful experience that you thought you would have as a parent, and it's not turned out to be so, So things will never, ever be the same as One minute ago as yesterday as whatever.

So I think that that's helpful to right off the bat to remind yourself of when you're using that thought against you. at all times, like what, what I say, what you hear from other people or what you read, what you come up with in your own brain, use everything, all of the tools that you have for you and not against you.

And if you're telling yourself that I got it, I'm going to settle for the rest of my life and things were never going to be the same as they were when my child was home. Then it's going to cause you to,

you're basically fine tuning and perpetuating your brain's habit to resign to accepting less. Then what you deserve or what, you know, that you can create. And that's really what I want to focus on today is noticing for you, noticing when you are, um, when you're saying that when you're, Oh, maybe this is just how life is going to be.

I was actually just on the phone with, uh, a client yesterday. Who was saying this very thing and he had no idea he was saying it. He just said it like as if it was just a fact of life. Um, in fact, and I actually spoke about him recently on the podcast too, but yeah, I was on the phone with him and he said, you know, Everything's fine.

I'm reunited with my kid I took him out to lunch and then I dropped him off and it's just, yeah, things were fine, but it's not normal. Things they're not the same as they used to be. And he said it as if, he didn't even say it in his first person, like things are not normal for me.

He said, you know how things just are. And I was like, no, I don't know how things just are. You're going to need to tell me how things are in your head because it's not, doesn't need to be a fact. You can decide that this is your new normal. If you want to use that to your, the way that you're speaking about it is to your advantage.

Yeah. This is my normal right now. Life is he, another thing he said ,

, um, I can't wait to get back into my own life again, play a role in my own life again, until life starts happening for me. That's what he said. I can't wait until life starts happening for me again. And I was like, I have news for you. Life is happening for you right now.

It's happening right now. You are living your life again. That's maybe what he said. Can't wait to start living my life again. And I was like, you are living your life. I have news. He was like, I can't wait to start living my life again. And I was like I have news for you. You are living your life right now.

Again, always, you'll keep continuing to live your life, this is part of it. But when you're telling yourself that this isn't living, you're always going to see your today and your future as bleak. As like, well, once I get there, then I can start living. Once I get up to that point and you know for him and I know this happens with a lot of you and that's why I'm sharing that is that I remember back in the day when he said when he was still not when he was not seeing his kids, hadn't seen his kids at all and was like, I can't wait just to get back to court to know that I'll be able to see my son so we can get into reunification therapy.

That's where where we were and he was like, once I get there, my life will be great. And then we got there and a whole new set of problems came up, It is just how life is. Life is one set of limiting beliefs after another. Sorry, but it's true. You can just decide whether this is your challenge for now or you can decide to resign to it.

And that's really, I guess, what the whole episode should be titled today, is are you resigning to your future because of what has happened in your past? Are you using all of what has happened not just in spite of, but because of are you using that to grow you know, post traumatic growth you guys, you know, I specialize in that.

I think, you know, um. It's not something that, please know that, you don't have to choose that, if that's not what you want. If you are in the place right now, where you just, I mean, I, I kind of doubted if you're , listening to this podcast, because this podcast is all sort of about that, but maybe you're in the place right now, I used to go through my, like, spells, like, ruts, you know, of poo pooing the world, if you're looking at life like, I don't want to have to grow anymore. I don't want to have to make something out of this right now. Right? Maybe making something out of this situation of alienation sounds offensive to you right now.

I get that. I get that because I was there. To me, making something out of the situation of alienation felt Like an insult, it felt, um, wrong and like I was betraying my kid to make something good come out of the alienation. For me to have the audacity to grow coming from this. I really held myself to this belief that, I really held myself to this belief that I needed to honor the

injustice. and I know, long time ago, spoke with you guys about this. I really felt The need to, illustrate that, to show that in my, even behind closed doors, it wasn't like to the world, but even to me myself, I thought, how dare you want to Better yourself from this?

Because how could you, what kind of parent would do that when their child is suffering, their child is hurting, and they're not even in your life, how are you supposed to just drop that role? And move on, like nothing ever happened, like you never had a child or something. And that's not it at all.

But if you're in that space, I understand, and post traumatic growth is, you don't have to choose it I want you to choose what feels good for you right now, and what you know for you is the right path moving forward. If and when you're ready, you can choose to use this for you, you know? But just, the reason I'm saying that, I guess, is just because Just know that you're no better or worse or on the wrong path or the right path by not choosing to implement all of what I'm saying today and all the time, anybody says, really, you know, there's a time and a place. And I think that for me, there was definitely I can think back. I was thinking about this in the shower earlier. Um, today, I really want to play 1 of my 1st coaching sessions ever for you guys.

Where my. She was at the time was soon to be coached, but not really yet. She was coaching me and I was a hot, hot mess. Like an absolute mess disaster. And I was, I was in so, so, so much pain. And one thing that she told me, I kept wanting to get out of the pain. I really desperate, desperately wanted to get out of the pain, but the guidance that she gave me in that session, I'll never forget it.

She said. You don't need to do anything right now. the only thing that you need to do is talk, talk about it and nothing else. You need to feel this pain right now you don't need to switch out of this pain to get to happiness yet. what I'm saying here is there is no rush if you know that you've been feeling it for a long time and now it's just become a habit for you to feel the either the drama or the pain or the whatever is going on then of course then then apply this but you'll know the difference, you know, um, but basically what I'm saying is there's no there's no rush to it.

You may be in place right now where you're still grieving. You're in that acute grief place and that's okay. But if you're not, and you know that you're, you've been down this road for a little while and it's been, you know, I don't want to say an amount of time, but you know, it's been, it's been some time and you're ready to get your life moving again, then I think it'd be really helpful to look at what you're telling yourself about your future.

About what's possible for you moving forward. And if you're Thinking in your mind that the idea is I'm just going to resign to a life of pain, but just not so much pain as I had before. So long as I can just idle on through, life in a low grade pain, I'll be fine.

I don't want you to have to do that. You know, because of the disenfranchised grief, and depending on how you were, um, socialized, really, many of us were conditioned to accept less than. I choose to believe that because of, for me, this is where the post traumatic growth comes in, because of everything that's happened in my life, that happened so that I could stop accepting, stop settling, stop resigning to a life of Mediocrity and pain.

The thing is, is that when you're telling yourself that all I can hope for is just, just to get by and not be in pain or however you're saying it to yourself, when you're saying that to yourself, then you're actually looking at your life and your future in such a way that you have to avoid pain, that your future, your what's ahead of you.

is a video game of bombs, and you have to somehow frogger your way through and avoid the painful blow ups, the, chance of death even, there's all these catastrophes that you must just weave through. And that, is a good way to keep you in a freeze, you know, keep you in stress response.

By thinking that you have to avoid pain from now through your future. I just need to get by not feeling the pain that I once did. Or feeling less of it, staving it off. As long as I can just get through not feeling the trauma of the past, and I can just put the blinders on and move forward in life, then I'll be fine.

I just can't look left or right, you know, and I know, cause I've lived that it's an awful way to live. are meantYou are meant for more It's not a comfortable way to live. I mean, not that we're going for comfort comfort, but it's not a, it's just, it's not all life is meant to be. It isn't.

If you've come through this,

if you're listening to this podcast,

If you're out there searching for ways to, Grow

and

make it through. Following something like alienation where your children have been taken from you or are being threatened. Your parenthood role is being threatened. I promise you that this isn't just to happen so that you can be the martyr.

It's happening so that you can, you know, like a phoenix rise above the ashes. What was the, um,

oh, I know. I was thinking, another note that I put in my phone the other day is I was listening to that song. I loved this song since it came out. I don't know, whenever a year ago or so.

Know that song, A Deeper Well, by Kacey Musgraves? She, used to sing with, or like guest with Josh Abbott Band, which I've, I love. If you guys like a little red dirt country, Josh Abbott Band's the shit, in my opinion. But anyway. Um, she used to sing with them, but A Deeper Well came out,

and that song, from the second that I heard it, I was like, this is amazing. Of course, it makes sense that it's a hit, right? But, the lyrics in that song, to me, are just on point, all the ways. And so if you haven't heard it, go look it up, A Deeper Well, Kacey Musgraves.

Like every, almost down to every line, is so beautifully put. Because Like for me, you know, I talk about like, um, my family and you guys have heard me talk about like that. There was some trauma and some tragedy and some shit that went down as probably you too, but we don't have to look at our past as like it was bad.

It was wrong. I needed more and I wasn't given it. I wasn't given the direction and the support and the guidance and all the things that other kids had. And I had it. Which is going to cause you to always feel like you're working from a deficit, right? From your past. But the way that she describes it, too, is that it's okay.

I forget the exact words. She says, um, the way she was brought up, the world was flat as a plate or whatever. Hold on, let me see. Lyrics.

She said when I was growing up, we had what we needed, but the world was as flat as a plate.  And that's okay. 

My world was simple and that's okay. Because then I was able to teach the things she was taught because then she was able to teach herself the rest of the way, the things that she was taught only took her so far. I think of it like I was taken as far as I was supposed to be taken. with my childhood, I was given all the tools that were necessary and then from there on that was for me To guide myself through I just love the way that she puts it Hopefully i'm not doing it justice But if you know the lyrics, you know what i'm talking about and if you don't go look them up, Um, or actually it's probably a better experience to just listen to the song.

anyway, I kind of think of our whole experience. And this post traumatic growth that I choose to take advantage of, , because of the pain and the suffering that I went through, I choose to use that now, right? and what I had been given and what I supplied myself earlier before it was a shallow well.

It wasn't enough for me, but I wouldn't have known it wasn't enough unless I would have gone through all that stuff, right? Until I went through all that stuff. And now This whole experience of alienation, and I know this might be offensive to some of you, but for me, this is what made me find a deeper well,

deeper meaning to my life. I know that we are meant for more. For me anyway, that's what I choose to believe. And also, that extends now to my daughter and to your children. they're meant for more too. Now, we can't decide what that more is. And that's not always ideal, you know? Of course we have these plans and these designs for our children and what we hope that their lives would look like.

But we figure that out for ourselves. It's best to stay on our own track, focus on our own. Because I truly believe that that's why we all went through, at least that's why I went through all this, is because I wasn't focusing on me. I wasn't able to see the forest for the trees when it came to prioritizing my own life.

, it's a  little codependent.  Anyway, so if you're looking at your life and you're thinking,

this is all it is for me, or I just have to learn how to avoid pain in the future. Avoid these landmines I know what to look out for and now I'll just live in avoidance of pain moving forward. That is going to feel exhausting and feel, um, I imagine very stressful.

Here's the other thing about it, , I don't know if it's most important, but it's equally as important as all of the you self care stuff, is that when you are resigning to a life of pain, or resigning to a life of the avoidance of pain, life of mediocrity, or however you want to look at that, then you're going to tire your own self out and not be, as emotionally available as your child may need you to be moving forward. 

They may not be expressing that outwardly to you, but you, your energy being healed, being present, available, even when it doesn't seem like they need you, is necessary. If you do have interactions with them, or in your future, maybe, like you, we don't know what's ahead of us, but if you do have interactions with them, and they even sense your undertone of negativity in you, or that's their perception of you, which by the way, we know that we cannot control that, especially with what's going on.

But you know what I'm talking about, you know, when like a parent, I don't know if you haven't. needy parent or a needy somebody you looked up to, it's really difficult to be around that person. When you know that they want more from you, when you're, they're not doing it right. And so their suffering in their own life.

Because if you were , filling the role that they wanted you to fill, then they would feel better about themselves moving forward.  That's a lot of responsibility on a kid, on an adult. To feel like they're responsible for your happiness. And that's exactly what they're experiencing over at the alienating parent or the alienating person's house.

In their presence, whatever,  your kid needs you to be healed.  And I know that you guys know that, but this is just another way that it can really affect you and like, cut you off from any future reconciliation. So, I just want you to be aware of that. so let me, I had my notes up here.

So, let me just grab them real quick.

So it creates a negative loop, right? You resigning to your future, uh, future of pain or suffering, even low grade suffering, is going to create that negative feedback loop so that your kiddo then, if you're stuck in despair, you become emotionally unavailable or reactive, which will reinforce the alienating parent's, message, claims about you, And will only solidify the thoughts that your alienated child or children are having about you, Again, we cannot control how they perceive us except for to do everything in our power for our own selves to take care of, to like develop the best habits in self care. Self care, like holistically, right? 

Really learning how to love your life again is what attracts. Not just doing it for the, motive to attract, but because you love you  and loving for me, I know loving myself did not come easy at first. And now it replaces all the other love that I thought I needed from other people.

Now, love from other people is essential as humans. I, I say, it is amazing. I don't know that it's essential anymore because now that I do love, really feel the love for myself. I don't feel lonely. And I know we've talked about that before, so I don't know if it's necessary, essential anymore, but it really makes life that much more rich.

You know, fulfilling, also healing your life, Healing your future, your today and your future requires patience, empathy, and unconditional love, These skills are difficult, extremely difficult, if not impossible to express when you're trapped in a cycle of emotional pain. Okay. So when you are trapped in this.

Woe is me. Maybe it's not as, it's usually more sneaky than woe is me. Usually it's like, oh well, this is what I have to look forward to. This is all it's going to be I just need to learn how to avoid the landmines and get by in life. things are just never going to be the same.

That kind of stuff, right? That will keep you trapped in that cycle of emotional pain. Of avoiding and it's so like sneaky because it sounds so reasonable, Like, yeah, I mean, I'm just going to. Do damage control, be proactive about damage control, and look out for the signs, that's what everybody will tell you, too.

Oh, now you know, just avoid that. But, doing that, see how you feel inside. Like, how does that cause you to feel and what do you do from that place? Of like, I just need to look out for the signs and I'll be good. Keep my head down. It's gotta, at the very least, I would think it would cause you to feel, like there's some rigidity in how you move forward.

That you have to keep your head on a swivel what else did I forget to say here? oh, TAC two, you guys, I went through a whole phase where I was really into , making sure that you guys knew about TAC two, which is a neuropeptide that your brain. Produces after periods, prolonged periods of isolation by prolonged.

Really? I just mean, um, anything longer than 3 days or where you feel that you've been. , isolated and disconnected, your brain will secrete a peptide called tachykinin, T A C H Y K I N E N. Anyway, TAC2, just call it that. After prolonged periods of isolation, your brain will secrete in effort to self protect. This, fluid that actually compounds and, , enhances the feelings of isolation and anger and, um, Feelings of, what am I thinking, like the conspiracy theory sort of stuff.

So if you're there, if you feel like the world's out to kind of get you and people have motives and whatever, it might be because it's been, you've been feeling disconnected from your world for a long time and your brain has now been secreting this neuropeptide. There's a way out of it, just know that.

But you looking at your future as if it is something that you need to be wary of or just avoid, you know, what we're talking about today. If you're looking at your future as if it's,

you need to settle for the mediocre, just know that doing that is going to perpetuate your feelings of isolation. Emotional isolation too is going to perpetuate the habit of, inside habit of brain secreting tachykinin, which is only going to compound the issue, right?

And then it's also going to make it harder for you to engage in constructive activities like helping others and pursuing bigger things for your life moving forward. forward, you're going to start to tell yourself and believe the thoughts that you have saying that you're not made for this, that you can't do it, that this wasn't your lot in life, that you got dealt the bad hand.

And this is just what you're good need to settle for in life. You're going to start to repeat those thoughts, those automatic negative thoughts, to the point where you, a belief is actually just a thought that you've thunk enough times to actually believe it, right? That it becomes like a pattern in your mind.

So, the more that you isolate yourself and feel isolated, the more your brain will actually perpetuate that feeling of isolation. And resignation to your future moving forward, your life, without your kid. If I have to live without my kid, then my future is going to suck. It must suck because I'd be a bad parent, number one, if I didn't think that way. Because what kind of parent would live their life out there happily and showing it to the world, right?

So there's that. And also, how could it ever be happy without my kid? I must suffer because that's what it means to lose a kid is you have to suffer for the rest of your life. And it's not the case. I'd say this about losing, like, having the death of a child, too. I mean, I hate to, like, put those two together, but I do believe it's true.

As soon as I said that, I thought about that one scathing review on Apple Podcasts that that chick, or whoever it was, uh, wrote about me. Which, I'm laughing about it right now, but I just compared to the death of a child. Anyway. Um, she brought my damn review down to a 4, my rating to a, from a 5. 0 to a 4. 8.

Damn her. Anyway,

now I forget what I was saying.

I was talking about the grief of losing a child. Alright, the grief of losing a child.

Oh, okay, now I remember what I was saying. So, like, the grief of losing somebody to death, like, losing them forever, or the ambiguous grief that we experience as a result of being alienated from our children, yet they're still alive, 

it's okay I'm giving you permission if you're not giving it to yourself for you to love life again. It's okay.  In fact, I really hope that you do choose to do that. It's okay. If you don't, and I wouldn't judge yourself or beat yourself up if you're not there yet, but truly, I think that we go through these things so that we can come out the other side, pop up the other side and thrive as a result of it.

Show others the way all of us. it goes back to the deeper well thing. This all happened so that you could find the deeper well for me. I could, tap into the greatness that is me as opposed to the greatness that I was taking from all the others. You know, like, um, borrowing from all the others in my life, okay?

So, , the last thing, we've already been emotionally devastated, right? Maybe you still are, coming from alienation, maintaining your faith, you know why, guys? You guys, I don't love using the word hope because I think hope is less active and, more passive, Holding on to hope is sort of like what I'm talking about now. All we can hope for is whatever. I think I actually used those words earlier. Maintaining faith in your future and faith in yourself and your kiddos that you will find happiness again. I'm saying that if you've got, I'm, most of you probably aren't watching me, but I say that.

Um, uh, lightly because happiness is what you decided to be, right? But if you maintain faith that you can create the most beautiful life for yourself and experience grief at the same time, it is possible, but  maintaining faith is crucial for your recovery and potential reconciliation with your kids. 

Resigning to a life of pain can prevent you from taking the proactive steps. Needed to exercise the self care and actually rebuild with your kids. If you're sitting in the resignation of, of your future being shit until your kids come back, you're going to put your life on hold.

And like I was just talking about a little bit ago, you're going to enter into that sort of needy state without even knowing it, like just waiting for them to come back and just hoping and praying on every time the phone rings or every time you see them pop up on your feed or whatever it is, you're going to.

Wait for those moments and because you're only focused on those moments, the gaps in between those moments are going to feel like eternities.  So you must, must, must

find and create purpose for yourself for all the time moving forward. So that when they do pop up, even if it's briefly here and there, you can really enjoy those moments and they will add to the richness of you and the life that you've created moving forward. please don't resign your life, your future, to pain, dull pain, or a new normal.

If new normal to you sounds awful,

please do not accept scraps in your life anymore. If we've gone through this devastation of alienation, in my eyes,

at some point, again, you may not be ready for it yet, but in my eyes,

it's more evidence. The universe is showing me that  I am supposed to make something fucking amazing out of this.

Like something fireworks, explosive, beautiful.

This is your opportunity.

 This is like, to me, this tragedy there's nothing better than, you know, a comeback story, if you will, but like when somebody goes down, or something happens and it's just really catastrophic, and then you see that something or somebody. You know, rise from the ashes, and make something beautiful from it.

That is so admirable mean, , I would assume most of us probably believe the same. So, this is your opportunity to do that for yourself, but look at the wording that you're using on your everyday and what you think is fact about your future. Do not resign yourself to, oh, this is the new normal, this is, this is not normal.

 This is your normal. This is your life. You are living it. You can just choose if you want to live it differently today or not. It's not going to be a perfect time and it's not going to get better you're not supposed to wait until some certain time to start living.  If that is the one message that you get from that, I hope it's this and I hope you stay till the end of this because it always happens in the end.

I get all warmed up and then it all comes together. But yeah, do not wait. That time will never come. I told you, case study, my, client, who long time ago was just saying, Oh, when I get there, when I get to the point where reunification therapy is ordered, Then everything will be okay.

Reunification therapy got ordered, he went through it. And then he got time with his son without reunification therapy, outside of reunification therapy, it was, you know, dinners or lunches, whatever, and then it was weekends, and now he's got every other weekend, you know, he's got standard visitation.

And there's still a whole new bag of limiting beliefs that we all sort of run into. Not always the same ones, you know? But this is just part of life. You are living it. The time is now. All right. Okay guys.

y'all facebook live on Friday at 12 15. Also, I should put this part up in the beginning is that um, I would love it speaking of uh, Reviews apple reviews if you guys are listening on apple and even if you're not you can still write a review there if you If the show has helped you, if this episode or the show as a whole has helped you and you look forward to listening to it each week if it's helped you to change your life in any sort of way, would you please, please, please go write a review?

I would so appreciate it. Like, so appreciated. I always read them out, um, you don't have to put your name there. But I will always give you a shout out because that, I do so appreciate it. And I go back and I do read them again, and again, sometimes. Because those reviews make my day.

They changed my experience of, my day to day life, and they also changed my experience of recording these episodes for you. So, um, and it helps, most importantly, it helps other parents to, like you and me, to find us. So that they can also feel better and create the life that they're meant to live moving forward, you know?

So, not that this episode, this show is the only way that they can do it, but you know what I'm saying. So yeah, so you can do it also if you're not an Apple Uh, product person, you know what I'm saying? You can actually sign in on the web too. There's, um, instructions for how to do that if you Google it, but it's just, you just sign into a web browser, and then you would have to create an Apple ID, but you, you can still create that without, it's kind of an extra step, but it takes like three minutes to do.

It's not too terribly long. And I know it's a big ask, but I would really, really, really love it. Um, if, like I said, if this show has helped you at all, so I should probably put that in the beginning. All right, you guys have a lovely week and I'll see you next week.

 

00:00 Introduction and Greetings

00:35 Plant Talk and Personal Reflections

02:48 The Sneaky Mindset of Resignation

07:34 Challenging Limiting Beliefs & Avoiding Pain

09:05 Client Story and Life Lessons

11:57 Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth

16:24 Did Alienation Lead Us To A Deeper Well?

19:37 The Importance of Self-Care

21:33 Negative Feedback Loops & Emotional Unavailibility

33:26 Conclusion and Call to Action

 

#parentalalienation #podcastforalienatedparents #grief