Elevate Your Life & Custody Situation: Adopt a CEO Mindset

you are listening to the Beyond The High Road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 70 stay tuned welcome to be on the high road hi you guys so today if you've noticed the title might differ from what you heard me tell you guys last week I had mentioned towards the end of the episode that we were going to be talking about self-confidence and self-discipline and when I sat down to write the notes and then record that episode I realized that that was a pipe dream and here's why because it's too much like I have to do self-confidence and then I have to do self trust separate or I want to do it separate you know how I get I think it's going to be a short episode and then I start talking

and we then next thing you know it's 35 40 minutes into it and Y all drop off be at around the 32 minute Mark so I am going to record those separately but the other thing I discovered while writing my notes I realized that I want to cover a couple other topics beforehand and I didn't consider this whenever I was making my content planner for upcoming episodes having said all that today we're going to be talking about a CEO mindset so if you are a client of mine you probably we have probably talked together about you showing up being the CEO of your custody situation if you're still in any sort of communication with your ex your kiddo any custody evaluators reunification therapists

family therapists lawyers Guardian liance anything having to do with your custody case if you are still active even if it's somewhat what just a little bit of communication try that showing up in the CEO mindset advocating for your child's for the corporation of your custody situation try that on and see what it feels like I know for me it has caused me to feel more in control poised and calm there's a sense of peace and Order about the situation and that I have more control than I might have felt like I had when I was showing up feeling at the effect and as the victim of my custody situation do you feel me here yes you may very well be a victim where you are a parent that's been targeted by

the other parent or whoever's alienating your children from you and have had your child turned against you and I don't mean to say that with a flipping tone but there is that right there is that the fact that you are new progam say this before you may be a victim but showing up and having a victim mindset is an entirely different thing when it comes to our pday situations it's like the one remaining area even after healing where I know for me this was the one area that I still felt very victimized in like when I'd hear the email ding on my phone and I saw that it was her father or her stepmom my daughter's stepmom it would send me into a stress response I wanted to avoid my

phone at all costs if I could like throw it out of my hand and get it away from me in order to avoid looking at the email or thinking about the fact that it was sitting there waiting for me in my inbox it would be all the better for a really long time I felt like a victim and like a pawn in my own situation of alienation and so when I started showing up as the CEO of my custody situation it changed the way that that I viewed all of it entirely it made me feel gave me a sense of peace and a sense of purpose a sense of direction and every one of my clients that I've shared this with has had much success with it so at least that's what they're telling me anyway so

if you want to try that on for your custody situation please use that but I want to take that a step further and have you guys look at your life and more importantly your mind in that way like that you are the SE o of your own brain your own thoughts your own emotions your own actions and your own results that you create for yourself in your life so we know when youve like a broken record you hear me talk about the fact that things can happen outside of us we have no control over those things we can't control the judges orders we can't control what the ex does we can't control what our children do we can't control whether our boss says yes if we ask him for a raise all the things we

cannot control everybody around us with any consistency and even when we do manage to get lucky have an effect on somebody so that they change their ways in one area the next the fact of the matter is in order to keep getting that result you would have to police them and that is no fun and it probably I'm guessing that it would go against the whole purpose for you wanting them to act a certain way anyway right so we can't change the circumstances the out external things that happen we can show up as the CEO of our own workings our own perception and so I was given this analogy by another coach and it's really effective so she talks about her name is ton and she talks about like you your

mind being the company and your company has just like every company successful companies anyway have a Clear Vision they have a mission statement a mission and they have values core values that they live by and that they brand themselves with those values that mission that vision is what drives their every action moving forward it's the motivation it's everything it's how they show up on social media how they serve those that that they're serving and which colors they were doing it it's all tied in and it's consistent a successful brand Corporation is fluid so imagine your mind being the company the corporation right and you are the CEO you are in charge Numero Uno the boss

lady boss man shot caller whatever title you want to give to yourself but you are the head honcho you are the inventor of this company you created it all then you have employees and those employees are your thoughts when you're starting out with this idea the people that work for you maybe have a little bit of a bad attitude like in my case how I was most of the thoughts that were going through my brain were very negative and very anti- Corporation the Shelby Corporation I had thoughts that told me I was nobody without my daughter that I would always need to have a drink that I would maybe die being an alcoholic because now that my daughter's out of my life I had no

purpose I had thoughts that told me that I was different I didn't have the knowhow the support the resources the money anymore cuz I'd spent it all I had all of these Negative Nancy thoughts employees constantly yelling and screaming in my brain imagine I kind of Imagine like all of these Rogue employees on strike in the Shelby Corporation in my head so in order for me to operate properly I had to get clear myself about what my vision is for future me and I had to get behind that Vision I had to become strong and solid with that Vision I had to let go of a lot of those thoughts and attach myself to the one like glimmer thought which was maybe it's possible that I could become

successful and have a beautiful life even though my daughter is not home with me that was the one glimmer maybe maybe it's possible so I had to hang on to that one tiny little employee the rest of them I had to let go I had to hold meetings with all of them thank you very much for your help our visions do not align with one another and so I had that meeting with each one of my thoughts not just one time as like a whole all right we're done with all of these thoughts see you later happy to I've known you and I'll never see you again it was more like the employees kept coming up these thoughts kept coming up and I would have to go and meet with them each time thank

you very much I appreciate you however the thought that you're giving me right now does not align with my end result with my goal with who I am becoming what I'm saying is that you can look at every one of the thoughts that you have and a little bit depersonalize them from you they are just employees that you hired because they served you at one point but no longer serve you today you don't have to beat them up you don't have to call security you don't have to do anything other than thank you for your service we're moving in a different direction let's say you have a goal a dream and you think it's possible there's a possibility that it could happen for you just what I was saying

maybe it's possible that I could learn to live without my kiddo for now until they've decided they're ready to come back maybe it's possible that I could build that business for myself that I could get through all of this negative thinking and I could make it and I I could end up helping people or I could end up writing the book or I could end up whatever it is for you but each time you start out it seems like such a great idea just like I was talking about last week with starting the year off with I'm going to eat well and I'm going to go to the gym a bunch and I'm going to do all these things and then as you start to apply and realize that it takes a little

bit of strength your negative thoughts come in those Rogue employees come in and tell you that why would you even start you knew you weren't going to be able to do this you never follow through with what you say you're going to do you know you're going to have that Sugar you know you're going to fail you always do you don't have the right support the right this the right that this is what the human brain is designed to do so you're having to fight your own biology in trying to grow and trying to move through the adversity of alienation but in order to do that you have to overcome these thoughts you have to let go of these Rogue employees again they helped

you get through hard times but anymore if you're trying to grow and they're stopping you they're acting as barriers then it's time to let the thoughts go in order to adopt new thoughts and beliefs and bring them on board as your own and be able to give them the 401K and the better pay and all of the things that these thoughts need to be fed in order to survive you must let go of the Dead weight we have to let go of the employees that are not supporting your main Vision kind of like leaving a dysfunctional relationship you know you need to do it but it feels so damn uncomfortable and you hold on for way longer than you should it's like that with thoughts right sometimes that means

that we are left with one like if your thoughts are negative at this point you have to find the one thought that you believe today the one thought like maybe there's a chance so you're saying there's a chance this is your one employee until you practice and practice and practice how this thought could be possible in your life as you let go of the other thoughts and once you keep practicing and as you let go of these other thoughts you're making room for new good thoughts to come in the more little you know you have one thought and then you have two good thoughts and then you have three good thoughts and four and five and six and seven like attracts like once you become solid in the core

few thoughts that are serving you thoughts that you believe that are bringing you to the next version of you then you can create more and more and more and more of those the higher frequency thoughts and the less those employees that don't share your same vision are muddling up your mission I that's the first time I've ever taught that and I just absolutely love the idea of thinking about it like that because for me it provides a sense of well a little bit of humor but also it provides me with a sense of calm of peace and of order right just like with the being the CEO showing up as the CEO of my custody situation it is my business plan if you will for my life and it also just helps

me to know that when a negative thought comes up in my brain you can't do it what were you thinking why why are you even trying how did you expect yourself to get there when your history is blah blah blah whatever some of these thoughts that I adopted from my abusive ex and of course my daughter's father the some of the things that he said to me all you know up through the years that I began to believe now I know I realize and acknowledge those thoughts to just be Rogue employees they're not me those thoughts aren't me my ex telling me that I wasn't responsible enough or determined disciplined enough to succeed does that wasn't me that was his thoughts about me and those can

remain with him that's fine but I don't need them those thoughts don't work for my main goal for my vision for who I am and the corporation of me for my life and that's what I want to lend to you guys right just because you had the thoughts for a long time and I think there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that the thoughts the negative thoughts that you have today obviously did serve you in one way or another or you wouldn't have adopted them to begin with they kept you feeling secure in one way or another even if now looking at those thoughts they seem destructive they clearly worked for you at some point so you can thank them for their service and just allow them to just fall away like

each time a thought comes up one that doesn't serve you just no thank you that's not serving our end goal it doesn't have to be personal don't make it about you just because your brain says that you can't do it or you're not good enough or you're not this or you're not that that is human nature you just say no thank you our goal we're up there that's where we're going and so we're I'm bringing all of my thoughts these thoughts that are assisting me and getting there that's where we're going that's the party I'm in on those these other thoughts no thank you thank you for serving me you can come back another day I won't open the door though these limiting beliefs and ideas that are

holding you back and telling you that you shouldn't try or that you never should have tried anywh or you're not going to complete it you can complete it it's just a matter of calling the thoughts out and reminding yourself of your end goal oh that's where I want to get it all starts with a thought think about like I'm looking at you right now and through I've got a I've got Apple products right so I've got a desktop and iMac and I've got right in front of that I've got a MacBook Pro and I've got a mouse and I've got a iPhone and I've got some airpods over there all of these individual devices started with one thought by Steve Jobs they started in his mind they were Concepts and then

they became sketches prototypes and then they became the products that we have in our hands that you're listening to or watching me on right now they were thoughts in somebody's brain first and in order for them to manifest into physical products they had to be created twice once in the mind once physically the same thing happens with our life like for me I told myself forever that I would always struggle that I wasn't good enough that I would always drink I would always struggle with alcohol with wanting and needing a drink and for all the time that I thought those thoughts guess what happened I wanted and needed a drink I was constantly struggling with

it I felt like I wasn't enough I showed up in the world not enough I was always late whatever it is that you label yourself as look at that because that is exactly how you will show up it starts with a thought in your mind and you make that come true in your life look at what you're saying about yourself if you say I struggle with weight guess what happens you struggle with weight if you say I am actually working on my health and fitness guess what you do you work on your health and fitness it's amazing your mind will go to work for what you task it to do like it will do it in the background of your mind all you have to do is direct it in the area that you

want to go so you being the CEO of your life and of your mind you be clear with your employees with all the thoughts in your head with yourself start there first where you're going where do you want to go and if you don't know that's okay start with it's possible that I know where I'm going it's possible that I will end up there I'm going to try some things in the meantime to see if that's the goal speak that over yourself as opposed to I don't know what I want to do because guess what that's going to do that's going to send you in circles of not knowing what you want to do and you will stay in a place of confusion and not knowing and in uncertainty forever this is one that we get way too

comfortable especially as alienated parents and sitting in is uncertainty and confus confusion right which is by the way coming up in an episode very soon too the warm wet blanket of confusion it's super uncomfortable yet very familiar we indulge in confusion because it's much easier for the brain I'm not saying that it's you're consciously doing this but it's much easier for the brain to sit in a place of confusion than it is to step out on a limb but out on that limb is where you find the growth so just be careful of what you're speaking over over yourself because whatever it is that you're saying that you struggle with you will end up struggling with whatever it is

that you say you're creating you will become the person that creates that thing mark my words the strongest thought is what will win but you have to be clear with yourself you have to clearly Define sans's any ambiguity what it is that you want be very intentional what it is how you want to show up today I am blah blah blah whatever habit you have that you say that you're struggling with instead tell yourself a small shift it's possible that I don't need this habit it's possible that my life looks much different one month from now it's possible that I can do this it's figure out aable start saying that and notice the shift you have with yourself okay so every company needs the vision it needs

the vision it needs your mission and it needs your values if you're lacking any one of the those three this is how people squander years this is how I squandered years of my life because I lacked any sense of direction and courage to take the steps needed to grow I was too scared about other people judging me what I would look like what the ex would say I was so invested in that and I scared myself to death and I sat still and watch Life go by for years on end and I don't want y'all to have the same thing happen to you so if that's the case if you notice that this is what's been happening get very clear on where you going and one foot in front of the other put yourself out there so

you step into the CEO role of your life and of your situation of alienation my phone just rang while I was doing this perfect timing saved by the bow okay yall have a wonderful week and I will address those other topics coming up very shortly okay thanks so much for listening today guys I'm honored that you chose to share your time with me if you like what you've been hearing and you want more come join me in the new monthly membership where we take the concepts that you hear about here and using a logical framework you learn to apply them to your specific situations upgrading your thoughts and your life even while experiencing the grief of alienation for more information go to

beyond the high road.com see you soon