From Stuck to Unstoppable
In episode 122 of the Beyond the High Road podcast, Shelby Milford addresses how to transition from feeling stagnant to becoming unstoppable. Shelby discusses the importance of understanding the root causes of stagnation, emphasizing that they often stem from thoughts and emotions rather than external circumstances. The episode explores key negative emotions—doubt, fear, confusion, and overwhelm—that hinder progress, and highlights the importance of challenging habitual negative thought patterns. Shelby also introduces a 30-day course aimed at helping listeners achieve their goals and move forward in life, leveraging daily exercises to dismantle limiting beliefs. The episode provides insights into the necessity of committing to personal growth and finding value in current life aspects to foster a mindset of abundance.
Episode Transcript
You are listening to the Beyond the High Road podcast with Shelby Milford, episode number 122. stay tuned. Hey y'all! Okay, so I am still standing today. I'm still standing. Um, said Elton John. I'm still standing. but I'm better. I feel better. I'm just not gonna chance it right now. So, um, today we're gonna be talking about
Going from being stuck, being stagnant, not getting your shit done, to being unstoppable. I actually toyed with titling it stuck to unstoppable or from inaction to making shit happen. I actually am still not sure which one I want to use. but anyway, you get the idea., so what I'm going to be doing is I'm going to be doing this episode today, which will pair with, uh, the course.
It's like a, I can't say it's a mini course because it's actually a course. It's a legitimate course, but it's, a lower priced option day course to get you from stuck to unstoppable or from action to making shit happen. today we're actually going to talk about why.
You're stuck. Like, what, what's going on for you? And then, of course, the, of course, the course will, give you all the tools to get unstuck. Okay. ,
The reason why you're still stuck all boils down to your thoughts and emotions. The thing is when we're there, especially coming from trauma, we tend to start believing that it's about the things outside of us.
It's the circumstances that have happened to us and that's why we can't do ABC. That's why we're stuck now, I'm not denying that those things haven't caused us Trauma, stress, of course, when we're coming from something like our children being alienated from us, we're going to go through a period of, knowing grief, mourning, duress, right?
And so that is going to take our attention, take our focus up. And then we might have developed some beliefs and thoughts about how the world works for us as a result of that happening, along with whatever other traumas that have happened to you in your life, right? But the one thing that we ultimately, many of us will believe about why we haven't gotten the thing done or why we're not going to ever get it done, we tend to make it, whether you recognize it or not,
we tend to make it about ourselves. About something inherently wrong with us or our ability to overcome and that is where you can get stuck for a long period of time because you start believing even when you don't admit it, that's the thing is our thoughts can be so sneaky with the way that they work the way the belief systems run inside of you.
Because, as you know, your subconscious runs you 90%, 95 percent of the time, you're running off of efficiency and habit most of the time. , 90 percent of the things that you do throughout the day are by habit, right?
And so their same thought patterns are going to be running through your mind. All the time and most of those thoughts. I did an episode on this a year or maybe two years back actually now that most of the thoughts we have 60 to 70,000 thoughts per day. I think it's closer to 70 now. due to the information age, right?
And out of those 70, 000 thoughts, 90 percent of those are habit and also 65 or 70 percent of them are negative. So now how many of those thoughts are habitual negative thoughts that we think about ourselves. But here's the kicker is when we have the negative thoughts and we've somewhat become, um, Accustomed to use our higher thinking and know that we are worthy and that we are.
Capable and able what we will do is which is fine to do, but just know that you're doing it, you correct or wiggle out of that thought without. Checking it without really dismantling it. Which only ends up reinforcing that thoughts habit system, right? Because each thought is going to have a habit system of its own. It knows when to come up, when it's going to work, when it doesn't, right? And so when a negative thought comes up, you're not worthy.
And then , your higher thinking comes in and says, Oh, you don't really mean that, blah, blah, blah, whatever, right? But you leave it unchecked and shove it back down, the negative thought or belief about yourself, then it's still, actually, it's like when you prune weeds. They come back even more, stronger, thicker, more bushy,
it's the same thing with those negative thoughts. So until you actually check them, really inspect them, look around and lean into them, those thoughts get stronger and stronger and stronger. You feel me? Okay. So, where was I? It's never, you being stuck, is never about anybody else, anything else outside of you.
And it's never actually about you and your inherent ability or non ability to do whatever the thing is that you really want to do. Become the person that you want to become. It's all, all boils down to your thoughts and your beliefs. Your thoughts, beliefs, and the emotions, those. Your thoughts and your beliefs and the emotions that stem from those thoughts and beliefs.
That's really it, because circumstances happen in our life, right? We each make up a story, like a little narrative, about whatever comes before us that we can't control. That narrative produces an emotion inside of us. That emotion fuels all of our actions or non actions. Okay. And those actions actually give us the results that we have in our life.
So if you don't have the results that you want in your life, then trace it backwards, right? Well, what are the actions I'm taking or do those actions actually, , support
the life that I want to have, do they measure up? And clearly, if you're not where you want to be, then those actions aren't going to measure up. do you see what I'm saying? So in order to get you to the place.
Of creating the life of your dreams, if that's what you're looking forward to doing. You have to start matching your actions up, and the only way that you can do that is by feeling the feelings that you need to feel in order to create those actions, to spur those actions. And in order to feel the feelings you need to feel, you need to be checking the, quote unquote negative thoughts that you're having on the regular basis. Not just pushing them down or dismissing them. You hear me? Okay, so the four emotions that keep us from doing the things that we want to do are doubt, fear, confusion,and overwhelm.
Doubt, confusion, and overwhelm are almost always indulgent emotions. Meaning that usually our survival system coming from where we're coming from, Our survival system will start generating thoughts to deter us from doing the thing that it says we should be fearful of. . So in this case, fear is not always an indulgent emotion.
Obviously we need fear, but when it comes to fearing failure or fearing, , something irrational, like what will happen if you create the thing, you know, or fearing, um, even, well, I can get into that in a little bit, but even fearing what other people are thinking about you. it's almost always indulgent. Because really, that's your ego saying that there's something inherently wrong with me. And that's why it'll never work for me, so if you're saying, I'm not going to even try, because if I try, I'm scared I'll fail and I wouldn't be able to handle that. If you unpack that,
ask yourself, what are you making it mean if you do fail? What are you making it mean? Is that the end all be all? Does that mean something about who you are as a person and what you can accomplish for the rest of your life if you fail at this attempt? And who's to say that .
You couldn't just stand up, brush yourself off, and go back at it again. Use that one failure as
information because now you know what doesn't work, Maybe you make it mean, instead of it means something about me, maybe you make it mean something about failure. Maybe it's not that I'm inherently bad or stupid or not capable. Maybe it's that failure is part of the process. Right. So a lot of times we'll have, again, this indulgent thought process going, created by our survival system in order to stall us from doing the thing, because doing the thing in survival systems mind, Is way too scary because it's again, fear of the unknown, right?
Let's just stay here. Here is safe. Here may not be fun. We don't like it here, but at least we know here we're not going to die. At least we know here that we're not going to be shamed or humiliated. So let's just stay here and limit ourselves.
Stand ourselves in the corner. And we'll just stay like this until the end of time because it's better than facing rejection, more rejection, right?
Okay, so we can also have fears, obviously, about Being found out, right? Or about what the X is going to do if they see you out there succeeding, right? And those are, well, I deal with those a little bit in the course and actually you coming up with a plan to, solve for those things. Your fears about that ends up becoming your strategy to overcoming, just know that most of those fears. Though they seem so rational and protective, most of the time will not come fruition. And if they do, then you're telling yourself, like if you're so scared of them, like, I can't have that happen.
What is it that you're telling yourself about the you that's done the thing,
like gotten the goal, and then you get the backlash from them? What are you telling yourself about that future version of you and their ability or non ability to overcome that backlash? Does that make sense? Like, there's always a belief about you in the fear about them. And that's the limiting belief that you really need to look at.
Not what they'll do, because what they'll do is I just take that as just, it's inevitable, they probably will do the thing that you don't want them to do. And so, and I don't mean that in a, insensitive or, half hazard, go, just do it anyway, sort of way. I mean, what is it that you're believing about yourself
that is not capable of handling whatever that backlash is? what are you making that mean about you? if you have the ability to create thing that you want to create, just also trust and believe that you can also
solve for whatever you think that that's going to mean for you When they retaliate, They're going to do what they're going to do. It's just what you're making that mean for you. And now if Your answer then is they're going to think bad things about me, or they're going to go tell more rumors, or tell more lies. Then that's when you need to look at, okay,
is it worth it for me to stand on a corner facing a corner for the rest of my life so that people won't talk about me? Or should I go make waves and let people talk anyway? they're going to tell lies. Does it really need to affect you?
that's the bottom line. But like I said, when it comes to, um, like, I mean, they're all legitimate fears, but the fears that might require more of your attention.
That's what I deal with in the course. You need to use those as your strategy.
Okay. So , another emotion that we often experience is doubt like when we're wanting to get out of stuckness, , but stay stagnant anyway,
it's because of doubt. It's not going to work for me. It can work for them, but not for me. I'm not strong enough. What if I'm not strong enough? What if it doesn't work out like somehow we want, some sort of guarantee that everything is going to work out in your favor? Right?
And there is no guarantee ever that everything is going to work out or that you're going to get the prize before you do the work. That's the thing, though, is that when we're doubting that is like the self indulgent part of you that is wanting to believe more in the idea of failure. So you commit to that more.
Then you commit to you being the success. The success story of you. So when you, anytime that you're doubting, just know, first off, what am I committed to right now? What ending am I committed to? What result outcome if I'm committed to the failure of me, then guess what you're going to make that come true.
But if you're committed to your success, and then you, of course, you ask yourself what even is success and what is failure, you're going to have a much higher grade response for yourself. And then path that you take, right? So it's not going to work for me as one of the most common things I hear from parents will work for them and it worked for them and it worked for you, but it probably won't work for me.
And there's never a good rationale there's no outstanding, like, oh, well you are different, right? Ever. There's nobody's circumstances are so bad off that they can't succeed at attaining their goals. Ever. Ever. Unless the goals are just don't even make sense.
Right. They're not even logical. Right. But you can always get from being in a place of stuck to being unstoppable. I don't care who you are. Right. You just have to look at what you're aiming for. And if you can think it, you know how I think if you can think it, then you can actually do it right. If it's in your mind, there's a way to it.
It may not be the way that the process that you thought you would take in order to get to the end point. But if you can think it, you can make it happen. You could get there. You just may need to figure out the steps in between. That's the only thing. So you really need to, to learn how to invest in the outcome, not in the what ifs.
Right? That is what I see so many parents like us doing is like they, they, they want to put all their time and energy and effort and focus in like, but what if it doesn't work? But I need the guarantee. They need that safety in order to take the leap. Even to dip a toe in sometimes. I need to know that this is going to be the answer.
Because then what? What if it's not the answer? Most people will say, like, for me back when I was living in the house on the hill, I needed somebody to guarantee me that this next step that I took was going to be the end all be all. It needed to be the right answer because I couldn't afford to make any mistakes.
That was my rationale behind staying stagnant. I need to know that move that I make is going to be the right one. And if I waste time or money or anything, then I'm shit out of luck. But really, when you think about it, it was never going to be the end all be all. I mean, when I was saying that I was in my, what early forties.
. There's much more life to live. More money was going to come into my life. Somehow, some way, somehow, some way it was going to, I was going to lessen my chance of money coming into my life. If I kept standing in the corner, though, right, keep staying frozen like this way better be the way the next way I choose has to be the one that was going to keep me.
My whole life stagnant because I wasn't out there engaging and raising my own energy so that I could actually make that money, you know, so it's like I was living into my limitations and so that's all that came of it was more limits. I mean, I can remember very clearly being on the phone with my father on more than one occasion back then.
He was the only person I was really talking to back then. Um, like divulging information to, you know, and being raw real with, um, maybe my coach back then. No, not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Because I was still at the other coaching school. And I remember being like, I need somebody to come and give me the answers I just need.
I was desperate. I may have been actually even been on my knees in the downstairs in my living room of the house in the hill. And I was so desperate. I was in tears. I felt that like the depths of desperation, like in your belly, you know, when you just are yearning for something to change.
But I remember feeling so victimized. So victimized because all I needed, I was convinced on the phone with him that I needed a mentor to come and give me the answers because I didn't know. And without knowing, I was frozen. I remember saying this to my dad, yelling it, probably screaming it to my dad, I couldn't make a move. I didn't have enough money to breathe. to even eat my next meal, but I needed desperately to find somebody that could mentor me and give me my next steps. I needed the roadmap in my mind. Now I can look back and tell, tell you, tell me.
That I know that I didn't need a roadmap because nobody came and gave me one. no mentor came and gave me my next steps ever. And it was scary as fuck to take the next steps. And the next steps were big ones. And we can talk about those another time, but I had to finally, I got so, so fed up with being in that place that I was just like, okay, well, if this idea doesn't work or this next thing doesn't work, I guess I'm just going to have to figure it out then.
, I had been stagnant, stagnant for so long that I was that desperate. I was like, all right, fine. I'm going to figure it out afterwards. So I took one step, and then another step, and another step, and guess what? Here I am today. Right?
But without me taking the leap and just deciding that I'll figure it out after that, if it fucks up, not getting any guarantee, putting it all on the line. I mean, every great story you hear, every success story that you hear, They had to risk a butt ton, usually their life savings, not even about money, they usually had to risk who they were as a person, trade that in for the new version that they wanted to become, Without any guarantee, nobody was there to back them up, most of the time, Those are the best stories. Is when all of it was on the table. I was convinced somebody needed to send me a mentor, come knocking on my door and come tell me the secret to the universe.
somebody to dispel it out for me because I'd already been through too much and I wasn't going to be able to handle. The letdown that I was going to like disintegrate or something any money that I spent, it was the last I had to a better work. Right. But it's never that way. It's never that way. When we're , coming from a place of inaction, right, and we're sitting there not wanting to make a move, frozen, like this, this way has to work and it has to be the right way, so somebody needs to guarantee for me that this is going to be the way.
When you're there, , You're not committed and investing in you actually making it. You're more committed and invested in you failing. Chances are you are going to fail. You're going to find all the ways that this is going to suck.
You're never, ever, ever going to get anywhere from that. But when you finally say, You know what? I'm going to make this work. And then if this doesn't work the way that I thought it would, that's okay. Because from there, I'll be in a different space than I am right now. And right now is suck. So at least there, after doing the thing, I'll be in a little bit different, even if it's just inches away, I'll be somewhere else.
And there may be more opportunity there. So it gets you moving. And then from that place, maybe just maybe other things, other opportunities you'll have like unlocked. The flow of more, you know what I'm saying? So just don't continue to commit and invest in the fail story of you. And what is fail anyway, right?
Or in the demise of you, that is why so many of us stay stuck. I'm thinking of one guy in particular right now who went through my six months. And I tell you, he, he is, um,
out of, I don't know how, how many, I mean, probably over a hundred now, six month clients ever since I started this six month program.
He's the one that got the least, um, dramatic results. And outcomes by the time he was done with his six months. And the reason why is because he too was throughout this whole process was more committed to what if it doesn't work for me, I know it works for you. I know it works for them, but I'm different.
It's not going to work for me. And because of that. No matter what, he was so resistant to letting that, that thought, that belief go, that that, today, he's still having problems with that.
And it's not that he's doing anything wrong, it's not that he's Bad or didn't do it. Right. It's just that this was one area that he was resistant to. for whatever reason, currently that belief he believes is protecting him. That's the only reason why we keep these unhelpful beliefs is because we feel like it's protective.
We feel like without it, we're going to, I don't know, turn into smoke, you know, it's actually irrational when we, when you follow it through. Um, the fears that we have about success or about failure or whatever, it's most of the time they're very irrational and indulgent thoughts. so there's that. overwhelm
overwhelm is another emotion, I like to say, excuse, that holds us back. Now there is true overwhelm, like, I'm not talking about that. Like, where you're in trauma response. You're in fight or flight right now,
you feel like the world is coming at you. And at that place, therapy is a good idea. Honestly, from that kind of overwhelm, you're not likely going to get anything accomplished until you deal with the undealt with trauma. And so that we're not talking about that kind of overwhelm. The overwhelm that I'm talking about now is when we, the indulgent kind, when we're like,
it's all too much, there's so many things that I just don't know which way to go. And I'm so busy at work and I'm busy with this. And so we start reneging on the commitments that we make to ourselves and we blame it on being too, too busy or too, Over extended or whatever, and in that case, that's when you have to come back to what are my priorities here.
What is important to me. Overwhelm is usually most of the most of the time. Like I said, we're talking about this kind of overwhelm. It's usually just an excuse that your your primitive brain wants to give you so that you can just do nothing or do things that are comfortable to you.
Overwhelm will come up to like when you know that you have to do something like I'm just picturing right now, like if if whatever goal that you have. entails you getting up in front of a group of people and talking live or something, , a lot of people have that fear of public speaking. You might start to hear primitive brain, I mean it doesn't announce itself as primitive brain, give you all these excuses and say, Oh, but you have to do this, you have to do that, you're too busy for this, you know, you really don't, I don't know why you committed to this in the first place, you should be more realistic, you have enough on your plate as it is, you're, too overwhelmed, you should back out of this and do this another time.
It's usually like why you quit early. but behind that, just look. Because many times, it's because the primitive brain doesn't want to be inconvenienced by vulnerability or some sort of growth. Okay? Alright. I'll talk more about this in the course too. Confusion.
This is the last emotion, last indulgent emotion.
The only thing I'm going to say about this, there's not much to say about. Confusion is bullshit. If you don't know, and I did a whole episode on this, I think it was called why don't know is holding you back or something. Don't just stop at I don't know. I don't know is a lame ass excuse.
It's a loser's game. If you don't know, instead say I'm figuring it out. I'm researching that. take it further because where it comes up, especially when we're talking about doing goals or getting out of stuckness is I don't know where to start.
and overwhelm can kind of get, mixed up together, muddled up together but really this is when you're saying, I don't know where to start. It's all too overwhelming. It's really you're just indulging in confusion because I don't know where to start. Can turn into, I'm gonna make the decision to start here, and if that doesn't work, then I'm gonna go to the next thing, or I'm gonna look up, I'm gonna chat GPT, how other people have started this before in my circumstances.
Just pick a start if that's what the, confusion is about, right? Or.
I don't know how to do that. Again, same thing. If you don't know how to do something, that is your recipe for success. You're going to find out. Right? Don't just end at, I don't know how to do whatever. Do you want to find out how to do that thing in order to get to your main goal?
This is again where your commitment needs to come in because so many people will be like, they'll say that they don't know how to do whatever, but really what they're actually saying is, is I don't want to , do,, I don't want to find out how to do blah, blah, blah, because it's not worth it to me.
Then you really have to go back to your whole commitment to the goal to begin with. Right. So you want to be picking things that, you know, logistically, like you, you're more committed to you creating the outcome, then you are number one, invested in your failure of it.
. And number two,
you know, that along the way, you're going to be inconvenienced by things that usually that you don't want to do. But if you manage your mind well enough around, it's okay. This is only temporary discomfort that I'm going to feel by doing this thing that I don't want to do. Or I don't yet know how to do.
So it's going to be uncomfortable. I'm going to learn the skill and then it won't be as uncomfortable. Well, it may not be pleasant, but I know at the end, the long term payoff is going to way outweigh this temporary discomfort of doing the thing that I don't want to do. Does that make sense?
That sounded a little, vague, but hopefully you're following me. Alright, so really it boils down to your commitment. And you managing your mind around your primitive brain that is always going to want to talk you into staying stagnant. It loves for you to stay stagnant. You may not want to stay stagnant.
Your higher thinking doesn't want you. It's got goals and aspirations for you. You know,
but if you've been an extended freeze or you've been, you know, coming from trauma, then you probably are so familiar, With the discomfort of a life that you hate. So you buffer, you know, that you like are not happy with your current life. If you have to do something in order to make your life feel better, what I mean by that is I need to have wine because wine will help me to like my life better, tolerate my life better.
I need to, this is what I'm guilty of sometimes. So I know it's, and I was just had a whole heart to heart with myself about it the other day. When I bought my, like. 150th Hoya. Uh, when you go and you buy plants, even when you said you wouldn't, because, and it wasn't that I was unhappy at the time, but I also knew that , I had already committed to not getting more Hoyas,
so there was some emotion, I can tell you the emotion right now, that I was trying to avoid. And that emotion would have been boredom, so I thought going and getting this Hoya would entertain me and whatever me, right? But it still ends up, I still have not dealt with the boredom and boredom will come up again.
And I'm not going to keep going and buying really expensive plants just to cure my boredom because that's crazy, you know? But you know that you are. Not satisfied on the whole, like if you, on the weekends feel like you need to get away, whether that's literally go somewhere and escape your life to deal with your weekly life.
You know what I'm saying? Um, now why did I just start that?
Oh, the other thing, the one that I did not, maybe I did talk about it. I'm going to say it again because maybe,
I'm not sure if I said this in the beginning, but I'm going to say it now just in case. So really it all boils down to, the reason you're not getting something done, you're not achieving your goals, or you're staying in a stuck place and not moving at all,
is because you have not yet Made it a point to understand for real why you're stuck.
Because you may have been blaming it on the thing that's happened. The predicament that you're in. And when you do that, you will continue to stay stuck. Because you're not addressing the actual,the root of it.Right?The root of it, and I know you want to say, I did probably say this in the beginning. I know you want to say that it's The ex, the alienating parent or person that's evil and doing the bad things in your life and that's the reason if they didn't come and
do all this stuff to begin with, then you wouldn't be in the place that you're at and you may not be, but I promise you probably would have still been stuck in some way, shape or form because you haven't yet understood the limiting beliefs and you never would have chosen the person that would alienate you from your kids , if you'd already addressed the beliefs that you have about yourself.
Right?
That you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, smart enough, whatever it is, you're not, you don't have the resources, whatever. That's the thought that you need to figure out.
You need to understand about yourself. You don't need to ponder it all for the rest of eternity and have that be another thing that buffers and keeps you away from actually taking the action to get to where you need to go.
You know what I'm saying?
Don't ponder forever. But just, Ask yourself whatright now I could be taking action towards my goal. What am I saying? What's holding me back right now? whatever that answer is, is your secret sauce to figuring it out? But if your answer is it's them.
Like them leaving you high and dry or alienating your kids from you or putting you in,it's all the things combined. And you were in a great place.
And now ever since the alienation happened, now you're poor and you're this and you're that. It's affected everything ever, every part of your life.
And now you have nowhere to go. Ask yourself, from that point, because you're still directing outwards. Everything's outsourced, right? What am I telling myself about me that isn't capable of overcoming all of that? like redirect yourself? What do I need to accomplish?
Where do I want to get?
What's the long term goal? And what's the first step? And how do I get there? And what am I telling myself between here and there? Right now, like what's keeping me from doing that? How am I not capable? How am I not worthy?
How am I not? Whatever it is, right? How am I telling myself that I don't know what to do or it's too many choices, right?
All of that, right? That's what you need to, and if it's too many choices, that's another overwhelming thing. That's when you, I'm telling you all of this actually in the course. I don't need to go through all this. I just realized I'm like the course is priced right now so low.
It's 59 for a 30 day course on how to get you moving. You pick a goal. For the month, for 30 days, and by the end of the 30 days, so long as you do the steps that I give you in the daily work, it's about 15 minutes of work a day, like of um, 10 minutes, 15 minutes at the most, tops of thought download, like writing brain work, right, that you do a day, you do that every day and you take the steps from the plan that you devise by taking the course, you will have completed that goal and you will have become a different person after that 30 days by taking the steps to do it.
And you will have moved from the place that you're in currently into a new place. And maybe gotten a lot more things accomplished during that time. So that's the whole purpose of this course. Is to get you, because I was thinking while in the shower, I don't know, a couple months ago, I was like, Why have I never done this?
Because this was my problem. Remember when I was saying earlier, like, I just needed a mentor to come down and give me step one, two, and three. Here it is, you guys. I am your fairy mentor. Actually, I just realized that. Coming down to tell you, this is what you do. my excuse back then too was nobody else has done this.
I couldn't find another alienated parent, mom, back then that had gotten through this and came out the other side and wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere or a victim of their life and the rest of their circumstances. Right? I couldn't find that person. I found professionals who talked about parental alienation.
I found kids, even some kids even back then that were adult. Right, them getting through it, but I didn't find any parents, primary caregivers that had gone through this come out the other side. And so, here I am, folks. And the belief that I had to have to get from there to here had to evolve and change throughout.
Because it used to be that nobody has been able to do it. How am I going to get there? I needed directions. And throughout me trusting and deciding no matter what that it was miserable here and then by taking another step that I will be somewhere somewhere different and be able to create different because I'll be standing at a different vantage point from that place and I would just kept saying that over and over again.
I'm just going to take this step and it doesn't matter. If it doesn't work, I will be somewhere different. I became invested in investing in me, right? I committed to all of the change, to creating the change, and I became committed to trading in the temporary discomfort of feeling the fear of the unknown or whatever it was for me, So that I could have long term success. That was it for me. I just had to take one step, and another step, and another step, and another step, and stop overwhelming myself by this allegiance, This, loyalty to my own failure, to my own demise. Which was, by the way, one of the oldest running belief systems in me. the only way that I could actually overcome that belief system, which I, by the way, I still am. I think that we all have some smidgen of that, like being shame and whatever, just because we're human,
but I needed to let go of the idea that I needed somebody, like a guarantee, like golden ticket, like a shoe in or a some assurance that I was going to get the prize before I ever did the work. Right. That's really what it is. Somebody made that reference to like, it's like when you were a kid and you got, I'm going to show my age now, but when I was a kid, we would get cereal boxes and they would have like toys in them.
Right. And me and my brother, usually my brother, we had at first would dig through the cereal boxes. Then we get smart and realized most of the time they were on the outside of the bag to get the toy before we ever. Even, you know, ate the cereal, right? We wanted to get to the prize first.
It's like wanting the ice cream before you ever did your chores. You know, you have to actually put in the work and invest in that before you get, because if you're constantly thinking about the ice cream that you're going to get, you're going to shove shit under beds and you're going to throw things in closets, right?
Just so that you can get to the ice cream. But if you commit to the process over the reward. You're going to find that your whole experience. is so, so much more enjoyable. And you'll start to forget about the fact that some of the stuff that you're doing is even uncomfortable because you're really committed to your own process.
And not just if I get up there, it's going to be better because let me just tell you folks, it will never be up there better. If you can't learn how to think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Think, manage your mind around your thoughts in today. As you know, happiness is, in my definition, is just knowing that you're on the right track.
But if you're always looking to be up there, then you're not on the right track because you're not there yet. So you'll never, it's going to keep escaping from you happiness. But if you decide that right now I'm on the right track because I'm moving ahead, there's my goal and I'm moving there, but I'm okay with the uncomfortableness of now.
You will find that happiness will literally stick to you. You will be a happiness magnet. Okay. It doesn't happen overnight, but you will find overall that you are much happier person because you're not always chasing it. And when you're chasing it, then you're already telling yourself that you're not where you need to be now.
You know, it's like chasing your tail. Um, there was one other point that I wanted to make before I go.
Oh, I guess I've been alluding to it the whole time. The other reason I've been alluding to it the whole time, this is such a long episode actually, and I wanted to make it a short one. The other reason that we, maybe I'll put this in the, in the course. The other reason that we, um, Don't achieve our goals.
You're not getting where you need to go is because you're coming from a place of lack. Okay. Kind of like how I was talking about before with when I was on the phone with my dad and I was like, I need a mentor. Somebody needs to come and give me a guarantee. I need all the steps, a roadmap, because if not, this is the end all be all.
I can't afford, you know, that whole mess.
Coming from a place of lack, it's going to be very hard. You're going to run out of energy. It's going to feel exasperating. Like you're just, it's like having willpower. it's exhausting. You need to actually start knowing and wanting what you already have.
Not the bad stuff, I'm not saying to trick yourself and say, Oh, I love being eliminated. I love owing everybody money. I love the courts not scheduling shit. No, I'm not saying that at all. Find the things that you already love about your life though, how it is or want. like what you truly, truly want about your life, like instead of always wanting pie in the sky or things that are up there, things that you don't have, which is going to come from a place of ingratitude.
Is that a thing scarcity? You're coming from a ungrateful and like slighted place, right? So before you decide to set your goals, like on what it is that you want to create,
write down, I don't even have this in the course and I probably should, write down 15 to 25 things that you have in your life That you want like, what's good in your life right now, as you said, what is it that you really, really desire? Like you have it and you really, really are happy that you have it. And you want to keep it at least for now. Like, why is it good for you now? Yes, you can do. I have a roof over my head. I have a car to drive, but I really want you to like, appreciate those things. It's a simple shift. You can just step into that. Like, why do I love the roof over my head? Why do I love the car I drive? Why does it do good things for me? Write those things down.
I would say 20 to 25 of those things. Why do you want those things? And really come from a place of abundance. and then start throwing in the things like I am a woman and I am a mother. Do I want my child back too? Yes, but I love who I am as a mother. That I want to keep. That's mine. I love who I am as a mother.
It's not, I'm not a mother anymore because my child is gone. No, I love who I am as a mother. That can never be taken away from me. And I also want to reconnect with my child. I don't have that as a goal of mine because that involves, you know, a lot of her doing too and I'm just, that one's more of a passive, you know, I look for opportunities and we'll see, but like other things like, okay, simple, I'm working right now doing this with you.
I love my work. Like, I'm so passionate about it, and I believe it shows, you know? I love, love being a coach, right? And I also want to create more being a coach, right? There's more things that I want to do. I'm nowhere near done. So there are goals in that, but I really love and want to continue being a coach.
So you start from that place of abundance. And then now, what am I going to create from there? Because I already am, you know? Or I already have. From that place, you're gonna find that you're less fear, driven, And you're more inspiration driven. Or maybe not even always inspiration driven, but, driven by long term desire. Okay, guys. So, even when you think that there is nothing in your life that's going good right now, I promise you, I promise you. You know, it may be more difficult right now because right now you're habited. To, is that a word? You're to, you've tasked yourself to only concentrate on the shit that's in your life.
But in order to turn that around, you've got to start coming from a place of abundance, even with the most basic of things. Why is it that I like that I'm breathing right now? Why is it that I like my dog or the lights on, internet in my house? You can come to really, really appreciate those things. Trust me, around the world, there are, I mean, I know this sounds so, but it's true, there are so many people that don't have it.
Or imagine a time, remember a time when you didn't have those things. For the lack of money or whatever, and you have them today, you may not have them tomorrow. But right now you like them. How are you going to continue? I love having internet now, and I don't have the money to pay the bill, but I'm going to figure that one out.
I love having internet right now. I have it now. How can I use this to get me internet tomorrow? Okay. All right. I've, I've, that's it. So if you want more than if you want the 30 day program, 59, my friends. For 30 day program. Okay. Um, it'll be at beyond the high road. com, uh, backslash unstoppable.
Okay. Alrighty. Bye.
00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview
00:21 Understanding Why You're Stuck
01:20 The Power of Thoughts and Emotions
03:30 Breaking Negative Thought Patterns
06:21 Overcoming Fear and Doubt
11:06 Taking Action Despite Uncertainty
14:03 Personal Story of Overcoming Stagnation
18:40 Commitment to Success
21:48 Understanding Overwhelm and Prioritizing
22:21 Primitive Brain and Excuses
22:37 Facing Public Speaking Fears
24:51 The Role of Commitment
25:35 Managing Temporary Discomfort
28:08 The Importance of Taking Action
36:40 Shifting from Lack to Abundance
37:30 Appreciating What You Have
41:29 Conclusion and Course Information