Reclaim Your Life: Fitness & Nutrition Strategies for Alienated Parents

you are listening to the Beyond The High Road podcast with Shelby Milford episode number 93 stay tuned you guys episode 93 we're coming up on a 100 I've been working on a best of I feel like a best of at episode 100 um or thereafter is it's worthy the podcast the show is now worthy of a best stuff I mean we're all always worthy but I think it's it's I feel like we and I mean that by you guys too because without y'all there wouldn't be a this so yeah I think we've earned it so um look forward to that coming up soon I've been working on on that actually for the last three or four weeks slowly just been collecting bits and pieces from the episodes prior and anyway that should be fun um

actually some of my best my favorite like the most powerful podcasts are the ones that pack the punch of all of the lessons like you just get a battery of all the powerful little on liners one after one after one those are to me some of the best episodes to listen to I wanted to do a bloopers episode or like do some bloopers at the end of each episode and I still might but I didn't already already start like with a folder for the bloopers so it's going to be a lot harder for me to get those but there are some really funny ones anyway I might do it still any who um I wanted to say thank you I got a new review we got a new review on Apple let's see here you guys could use fixing is who reviewed

and they wrote fantastic Shel is relatable and connects with her Audience by telling her own story yet doesn't use her podcast as a personal sounding board Shelby has guided me over the past few years with her wisdom and support and I wouldn't dare miss a podcast you'll enjoy so just follow and tune in each week thank you so much for your review yeah so thank you thank you and if y all have two minutes to spare a couple extra minutes to spare I would love it if you would just scroll down on the show page in apple podcast scroll down past the first like five episodes or whatever are displayed and you'll see a tiny little purple writing it'll say write a review

I think it might have an underline under there under it but it's it's so small it's really hard to see you click on that and then you can add a review and you don't have to put your real name you know like this person put could use fixing I guess we all could right but you don't have to put your real name if if that's a concern for you people put all different kinds of um you know aliases or whatever in there so that's that today I want to talk with you guys about coming off of the last three episodes talking about our trauma response in the body and and being in a freeze in a prolonged state of freeze so many of us the response that I've gotten on social media mostly Tik Tok because

I've been pouring more of my energy that way these days and then eventually we'll go back over to Instagram but right now working on building a community over there and Tik Tok and and the response I've gotten there as far as functional freeze prolonged freeze it just tells me that it's not just me and I pretty much knew that that so many of us as daily needed parents are experiencing or have in very recent past experience the symptoms of being in that free state a prolonged free state or just in nervous system disregulation activation if we are overactivated in the nervous system then we must go and do the opposite of that with some good stress queuing the body stimulating the body to start

producing different kinds of chemicals so that we counteract the effects of having you know cortisol and all of the bad stress using air quotes right now because cortisol is actually needed um even in good situations but when we have an excess of cortisol running and sitting in our system that's when it's not not good right but in order to flush our systems we must be exercising also we need to be eating right we don't need to be but if you want to feel better sooner if you want the symptoms of prolonged grief cptsd all of those things if you want to alleviate those symptoms you must take care of yourself I'm questioning the way that I'm saying that you must because so many of us

already feel so stressed and so it feels like one of those yeah sure PPE dream sort of yeah we'll get there when we can but it just seems so distant like that is the last thing that you need to be doing right now when you are trying to get through court and do all these things right you feel like this is that's diet and exercise is like an amenity like an afterthought right right now you need to survive and so that's that's that's what I want to talk with you guys about and I hope to by the end of this help you to shift your mindset a little bit lighten it a little bit for you and then hopefully at some point you can make the decision to want to do this for yourself as opposed to

feel like it's something that you have to do because I just the last thing you probably need right now is somebody shoting you or you shoting yourself right so as you all know I was in the Fitness and Nutrition field for my whole life before all of this alienation happened well my whole adult life right I taught I don't know how many classes a week up to like 18 sometimes 20 classes a week where I was doing those classes too I was um also in like the figure competition I competed you know in like bodybuilding competitions right and then I was a triathlete and you know what have you so yes it could seem like oh well it's just easy for you it comes naturally you've been doing it for so

long of course this is second nature to you but to me it's not like let's say you're maybe not is physically inclined athletically inclined it's not your go-to to relieve stress this still applies and you can I'm going to provide you guys with some options so I'm not going to by the way I'm not going to be getting into any sort of specific exercises with you guys today so please don't worry I really just want to talk about your mindset about all these things having said that I'm going to be giving you guys the basics of like alternative things that you could be doing you don't have to go to walk into the gym if a gym seems like the like the most daunting thing ever right now or

maybe it's just not possible maybe you live like I did for a while out in the boonies or you you don't have a gym membership whatever doesn't matter does not matter there are ways to do this that actually feel good that's really what I want for you is for you to feel better that ultimately I really truly want you to feel alive and fall back in love with yourself you know if you're not there yet fall back in love with life if you're not there yet and the way that you do that you got to start by taking care of your body so yeah here we go just like anything else right if you buy a car and this is such a Cheesy this is like another one of those cheesy analogies but like yeah if you buy like

a brand new car and you love that car you take care of that car mean you wash the car every Saturday morning you wash the outside you vacuum the inside you clean off the dashboard you do the windows it's your habit you don't eat in the car there's not litter and trash and things thrown you pick up the water bottles when you leave the car um you put good gas in it and stuff your car is going to always look pretty right but on the other side of things if you are one that doesn't like your car I've done both like there's been times where I've actually two cars not the last car but the car before that I I did not like it at all I didn't like it so I treated it

like I didn't like it I didn't know I was doing that consciously but the way that I treated the car that I loved and respected was entirely different than the car that I didn't like and didn't respect I mean I trashed that other car I ate in it there was like sand and rocks and like pieces of french fry in it and it was just trashed all the time God forbid anybody get in the car with me a hammer on the picturing right now there's like a hammer and sandpaper on the passenger seat front passenger seat like at all times like pick it up Shelby I just didn't respect this car right then I got into the next car and I loved and respected this car and it was so pretty to me and I wanted to keep it

pretty and so I did I was that person that every Saturday I was like washing it and always filling it up with the best gas and keeping it full as if that's going to do anything I don't know if that really does but anyway I loved this car and I treated it like it you know it's the same thing with your body except for with cars at least we can trade them in and get new ones right and I've done that actually with my body too it's just that my body has to renew itself and it takes some time to undo the damage that I did do on my body when I wasn't treating it so nicely hopefully that's making sense so I have always been a physical person and always pretty much took care of my my health however

as you guys have heard me talk about going through this Beast of uh tragedy right that we've gone through with alienation I started treating my body and myself similar to that car that I was just mentioning to you I stopped caring so much and I was lazy about working out and then after getting lazy like just oh whatever I'll skip this doesn't matter I started taking my body for granted and the more the shittier I treated my body the shittier I felt and the shittier I treated my body right so it became this like downward spiral it got to the point where I was adamant revolting against working out I did this actually there was one other time I went through this

but like I would do anything to not work out I was living in the half of the hill right but every so often my neighbor this German lady would call me and say hey do you want to go for a walk and I would tell her only if we're not doing it for exercise coming from where I came from and all the working out I was doing I just went the enti it's like I I started to resent working out not really working out but I resented my body I resented my me I didn't think this on the Forefront of my mind but it's truly what I had to been was the message I was sending because why was I so adamant against walking for any sort of cardio benefits no I don't want any any cardio benefits

no if we're going to walk and stroll fine but it better not be good for me what the it doesn't even make sense you know so I I I know for a fact that I was sort of revolting against my life and my existence really because why am I going to take care of myself when my life is in shambles it was like I was making the stand against everything which is ridiculous to think about now but I think a lot of us might go through that where we're like no I'm not doing anything for the benefit of my health or like for cardio reasons or I'm not going to eat well I'm going to eat this you know McDonald's or whatever because it's we all have our reasons right we're going to eat that just

because that's what we want to eat and that's what we're going to do because it feels good and we deserve it right I just almost do a McDonald's that you deserve a break today was that McDonald's or was that Burger King anyway that's not what I meant but we almost get this weird backward sense of entitlement to treat our bodies like we think that because of all the hell that we've been going through and this also goes to when I was drinking a bunch too right we think because of the hell that we've gone through and are going through that we deserve to do this to our bodies we deserve to eat like we deserve the the quote unquote treat or the Escape right or we deserve

to not work out because why am I going to put my body through that hell not actually acknowledging the truth of the matter knowing that working out or eating well is actually doing good and that in the long run and in the short run too you're actually providing yourself with much better results than the break that you think you're getting from not doing it does that make sense all right so without giving you an entire Health lesson on why exercise is good for your body and for regulating your nervous system because you can go and Google that in a heartbeat and get so many pieces of information so many different articles on why it's good for you I will just say that when you

exercise bringing your heart rate up for a continuous period of time somewhere around 30 minutes or longer 20 minutes even if you're just starting and when I say heart rate up it doesn't need you don't need to be breathless but you just need to be feeling like you're doing something continuous movement that challenges your body more than just sitting on the couch eating Twizzlers and watching TV the benefits that you gain are so many and it feels good your body starts to release endorphins you release oxytocin all of the feel-good chemicals begin to replenish in your body your stress levels go down you start to breathe in more oxygen which also renews refreshes your whole system I mean the

benefits are just so plentiful even if you have that bad attitude towards working out like I did PL your earbuds in listen to a podcast listen to the best music even if it's angry music if that's what you need to do get something in your ears that causes you to either think in a new way or causes you to want to move more both of those I mean I do different kinds of workouts sometimes I do listen to podcasts or I listen to books most of the time that's when I'm walking or lifting if I go to the gym then I can listen to a book depends on my mood really but but when I'm walking for certain the benefits of walking especially outside in nature even if you're just on a side walk it doesn't

matter connect with outdoors with the birds chirping with seeing green seeing some flowers hearing bees buzzing the benefits that that has on your nervous system the calming effects that that has alone can change your inner climate for the rest of the course of your day even if you're over stimulated I do this a lot if I I am angry irritated tired feel like I'm in a slump working cuz I do work from home if you work from home you understand this we get kind of in a lull in a thunk I was just in one a few minutes ago and actually I went outside and jump roped right before I started this for just I didn't do like a full session I'm not sweaty or anything I did

it enough to get my heart rate up and to feel like need air and then I was able to come in and I felt renewed in order to talk with you guys things like that helps so much but like if I'm in a funky mood I will go take a few minutes and go outside and just take in the noises from outside the sights from the outside and sort of try to immerse myself in the outdoors I know during this time of the year it depending on where you live it can be super hot I live in South Florida and in the summertime like in July I might as well swim through the air so I get you if you're like yeah but it's hot outside I know but I promise you you go outside you hear some different nois as

you change where you currently are like if you have been stuck inside all day and you go outside and you add in the physical part it will change your overall mood for the rest of the day so long as you are putting in the effort to do it back to what I was saying though do whatever you can to make it enjoyable for yourself y'all you do not have to go to the gym if you do not have a membership but walking connects your body with you I was talking about um one of the last three episodes I was talking about getting yourself out of the of a freeze response and um moving your body in ways that you don't normally move it shaking right your body or um having dance parties right that

was three episodes ago also too with walking if you are in a freeze response getting connected back connected to your body by walking there's something with the rhythmic uh motion and the the Cadence of walking on your nervous system that settles you right it grounds you into the Earth it reminds the your nervous system that you are okay that you're not in an emergency State you're not running from anything you're not about to die because even with emotional distress and Trauma your body doesn't know the difference between you getting ready to die and your child not being with you they both that's why sometimes it feels like dying inside somebody said that to

me on a Tik Tok post just the other day they're like I'm slowly dying inside and I like don't say that to yourself because saying that to yourself your body will actually hear you you guys know that words are so powerful instead you're learning how to live without your kiddos in the home with you at current so back to what I was just saying is is that your body doesn't know the difference between your child not being home and you getting ready to die like the two things they're on the same level as far as your nervous system is concerned so getting out there and releasing the negativity by walking getting connected intentionally right I need to go outside

I'm going to shake this off I'm going to get connected grounded in my breath in the Cadence of my steps and pay attention to the birds chirping the wind blowing things like that will for sure help your body to calm itself reduce the cortisol and all the things okay so there are ways you don't have to go to the gym I do I I go to the gym not as often as I probably would like to go but I also work out from home and do whatever get creative it's just so important to be moving your body especially us physical exercise is always good for longevity for all the things but when you are going through so much stress people think oh I'll just have to put exercise in the back burner

because I have so much on my plate already that's actually when I believe it's the best to make time for it now like I just said I also know being in that place where it's like I can't I don't I don't have the time right I don't have the desire so I've been on both sides of this but when you make the time for yourself even if that's sometimes that you are waking up a half an hour earlier just to go on that walk start your day off by doing it then you don't have to actually look forward to or like Dread doing the exercise at the end of the day when you're not nearly as likely to go do it even if you resent getting out of bed to go do it once you get to doing the thing that you're going

to do whether it's walking or swimming or you know going to the gym or whatever P90X on the TV is that still a thing whatever yoga on YouTube once you're done with it especially and the way that it affects your day watch it it will change change your productivity in your mood throughout your day especially if you stack one on top of another like make it a habit watch after 3 days 6 days 9 days 3 weeks you will become a different person just by having built up that new habit and it's all this is it doesn't have to be daunting is just choosing day by day to get up the 30 minutes earlier and just go do it during the times of stress and when you feel like your body is so worn out and so

tired and you just couldn't even imagine exerting any more physical energy this is when it is so so important to go do it I know it feels like you can't move a finger I know it feels like you just want to go and lay on the couch because you're exhausted in fact if I'm being honest I could take a long Slumber big long nap right now but I'm not you just choose to not do that and do the workout instead and I promise you I promise you you will find Renewed Energy as a result of doing that okay just make sure you're you're sleeping at night you know and you may say well Shelby I'm not sleeping at night and I'm miserable all day is exercise even good for me I think yes it is if you go take

the walk don't go burn your body out physically when you're not sleeping well at night okay but and but just know that the two are hand inand when you're working out you will sleep better I I have actually proved this to myself beyond the fact that there's I don't know how many studies out there that show that this is the truth um I proved this to myself back when I was up at the house in the hill I took two walks a day I upped my walking from one walk a day to two walks a day in the morning I would walk the dogs and then in the afternoon evening like after I ate dinner and the that second walk caused my HRV like your heart rate variability it's a distance between the heartbeats

but anyway caused my heart rate variability to spike at like um like0 it was like way higher which is really good right but before that it was down into the 40s it for sure showed that that extra walk actually affected my sleep right affected my heart rate during sleep and so when your heart rate variability is is higher and your heart rate is lower your body isn't working overtime to lower the heart rate and instead it can get to doing what it's supposed to be doing so and as a result of being able to repair renew replenish itself during the deep sleep like it's supposed to be doing instead of trying to fix the fact that your heart rate's all jacked up because of your anxiety

and stress and cortisol levels being so high then you get the deep sleep needed and the next day and the following days is especially once you make it a pattern you won't be as tired during the day the reason that you're so tired during the day is because it's like a vicious cycle right if you're not eating properly then you don't have the proper uh the right fuel in your body right if you're not working out you're not able to release cleanse replenish the body and then your body is having to basically it's doing damage control as opposed to doing what it's supposed to be doing your system isn't running right it's like running um you know like with a car without oil and

so it just sputters out and it just has a hard time even starting and slow energy and it's like you know the diet and exercise and I haven't even gotten to the diet part yet but the diet and exercise are so important for your energy levels so if you're like I just can't manage I can't manage I'm too tired I can't even get myself manage to get myself up off the couch or off the chair after work or whatever it is because I'm so tired because of all the stress I get you and and just know that you will not die by going to exercise by going and taking the walk doing that is going to improve all of it and the other thing is is so many of us say well I'll start tomorrow I'll start next week I'll

start in the beginning of the month right just start the best time to start is like now right just start I needed these reminders just as much as the next person and that's why I know that these things are so basic but listen when you're coming from trauma the trauma that we have these basic reminders are so so so important and even me I came from and that's why I was sharing with you and reminding you about my Fitness and Nutrition background because even me I forg like I almost like unlearned the especially on I'm getting ready to tell you with my diet I almost unlearned everything I learned being a nutritionist for how however many years I was telling myself that and I really

believed it right this the back part of my brain the subconscious part of lazy part of my brain wanted me to believe that protein was protein fuel was Fuel and that just getting calories into my body for energy was fine and enough and that's all I needed so long as I was just getting some greens you know I was just on a green bean kick for a while as long as I just got green beans and I just got chicken I could survive on that for the rest of my life right okay great yeah you could probably survive on it but you're not going to be running and having the fuel and the energy that your brain and your body needs in order to repair itself following something as

traumatic as we've been going through on an ongoing basis okay so your body needs all of the nutrients all of the rainbow basically you need to be eating every color of the rainbow every day you don't need to be sorry if you want to replenish in the fastest most effective Feelgood way you want your energy levels back up High eating all the colors of the rainbow every day that's the way to do it and not all food is created equal the brighter the food I'm giving you all the cliche um kind of reminders and health tips right now but or nutrition tips but I'm just going to assume that you don't all know all these things or you just don't think about them don't surround yourself with these little

simple tips because why would you right now you've got you know in your mind you probably are saying I've got bigger fish to fry right but you putting the proper fuel in your body is going to increase your daily Longevity if you know what I'm saying like your stamina your endurance your um it's your go juice so you must must must really look at what you're putting into your body um and how often you're putting it into your body how much you're putting into your body it's all so helpful it's like you know coming from what we have what we are currently in we don't need any more challenges and so the more that we like starve ourselves or penish ourselves by not having the good food

because why bother or um maybe it's because I can't afford it or there's other things I need to spend money on other than that that doesn't do any good anyway all of that stuff is not helpful you need to give yourself the biggest the most Advantage you possibly can okay and when it comes to what you're putting into your body this is so we don't think about this but it's literally what is what you put into your body is going to show on the outside it affects your skin which is a major organ in your body it's going to affect not only the way that you look aesthetically but the way that you feel the way that all the other organs in your body run the way that your brain

works when you are putting uh fast food quick Frozen Foods Bland blah colors of the diet you know like the Browns and the whites and the you know meat and potatoes colors um into your diet only you're going to feel heavy and meat and potatoes like I'm not saying there's anything wrong with meat and potatoes I'm just everybody to eat their own you eat what you want to eat I'm not going to preach here about what's good and what's bad just eat all of it like eat all the colors you can be vegetarian and you know you could eat all the colors right vegetarian or vegan you could be a meat lover too and still eat all the colors of the rainbow in your everyday diet

just make sure what I was getting ready to say is make sure that the colors of the rainbow aren't coming by way of Fruity Pebbles or Lucky Charms the brighter and more fluorescent the color Mo most often there are exceptions to this but most often the worse they are the more artificial they are you want things that come from the ground from the earth that's that's it you want as wide a variety of nutrients that you can possibly get like I said I had myself believing for a while there that fuel was fuel it doesn't matter I could just live off of chicken breast and green beans for the rest of my life and at least I'm getting a green it's not the case every vegetable has a different

antioxidant different minerals different nutrients in it in order to get out of the brain fog that you might still currently have you need to replenish your whole system and your brain included you know it um there's a great uh book out there I will say she does primarily speak to like her Avatar is uh me a mom or like a middleaged woman so for you dads out there that's who she is right so that's who she I guess she speaks to but not all of her stuff is just applicable to the middle-aged woman her name is I think it's mcone Dr Lisa mcone and she's got a book out there called brain food how to eat smart and sharpen your mind this is a great book so you could she

also she's got a newer book out right now about women's hormones and all that stuff I haven't read it yet but I heard it was good um so anyway it doesn't have to be this book if you are a dad out there listening but it was just it just came to my mind right now um so there's that if you've got the brain fog and you're wondering oh and you know who else is great for this is Dr Mark Heyman Mark Heyman is got a book out there too which I got a what's the name of his book he is not a neurologist but he really does he's been at least in more years been very uh focused on food for your brain and the prevention of early onset cognitive disease cognitive decline okay so he is amazing at he

really is all about as are most of the doctors anyway about early detection and early prevention of that so no matter how old you are even if you're in your 20s his books are amazing for repairing your body with your food intake okay so he's got like young forever is one of his books the 10-day detox diet a bunch of other ones now I'm not suggesting that you go balls to the wall with some crazy diet um if you right now don't feel like that you have the brain energy in order to get there I do think it would be fantastic but just don't get yourself in over your head as far as taking on a new regimen right if you're not yet you know that your your attention is a million ways just if

you're know that that you are eating like and you want to eat better you want to feel better you want to have less brain fog then just go by like the rainbow diet idea right eat at least three meals a day I like to eat um as much as I possibly can and snack in between right smaller meals there's all different ways you can do it I'm not here to tell you about that I just really want you to get a regimen together that is low maintenance but also is replenishing your body with the nutrient and meets so that you can have the energy to work out and then sleep well and think better think smarter work smarter um feel better you know so that's all I have I basically I just really wanted to put

this out as a reminder that your body is so important and if you're not sleeping well then add the exercise in and I promise you over time I mean if it doesn't happen after the first couple times which usually it does be patient with it and keep it up if you do daily exercise of at least 20 minutes or so you will sleep better I promise you okay and then your appetite will also regulate because you are exercising putting out the energy so your body's going to want more food coming in you have a tendency when we're exerting energy to want to start eating healthier when we when we do exert the extra energy I can't get my words out so it all sort of uh perpetuates itself so so

long as you make the decision this is really what it is to to the conscious decision to start taking better care of yourself this is the only you you have you can't replace yourself like you can replace a car you know and if you want to start thinking and advocating for yourself and for your child in the best most effective way you've got to be fueling yourself with the good fuel you have to be exerting energy in ways that is helping your body to stimulating your body to release the chemicals that cause you to think clearly cause your nervous system to settle down and get back on track and work in Synergy so you actually do have so much control of your energy levels and of your daily moods

and all of that you have much more control than you might think you do most of us think um about when we do think about going back to working out or or starting a new I'm saying this lightly but diet regimen we think that oh it's not going to happen right away I need something to happen instantly I need something now but there's no better time than starting it right now and you will feel pretty instantaneous benefits effects as a result of getting yourself moving right and adding in the healthy foods into your diet regulating how often you're eating what you're eating you know how much you're eating I love that it it can be much faster than you think of a turnaround and if you're

uh if you're feeling like if you've got rules on yourself just notice the rules that you might be having too oh well I'll only do it if I get to go to a gym and the gym is too far away or my work schedule doesn't allow it or I can't afford a membership right now or they're going to have a special on the gym memberships in September or so until then I'll just wait the the brain is so so skilled at coming up with ways that sound so realistic and so like logical it will do anything it possibly can to keep you stagnant that's what's so crazy about our freaking brains you guys the survival system and if you've been running on ascended freeze for a while then your body is in that survival brain

pretty much nonstop okay it it will do whatever it possibly can to keep you from exerting the energy or going and doing a new program or a new walking into a new gym or taking a different route on a walk it's going to try to deter you it's going to want to make you do the same thing this is what your body is designed to do to keep you on the same track but in order to get different results we have to do different things and once you do step out and show your body that you're able to do this that there aren't the rules that you've been telling yourself that there are then it's like oh okay this wasn't so hard it's not so bad after all people aren't making fun of me when I'm in the gym you

know people are really only thinking about themselves so start easy start uh realistic but just get your body moving every day 20 minutes 20 minutes of continuous exercise whatever that is go take a water exercise class at the why those are actually really calming for your nervous system for so many reasons and you can probably think of all those reasons too you know go for runs if you are athletically inclined get yourself moving take a spin class go go for a run outside it doesn't have to cost you a penny and eating out by the way last thing eating out is so expensive y'all it's so expensive you're paying for the convenience you can eat clean and eat all the colors of the rainbow

from home and spend a third of the cost a quarter of the cost and eat organic you could eat for cheap so that don't give yourself that excuse your Starbucks coffee that you get every day on the way to work or whatever it is all of that stuff adds up there are ways there are there are ways to cut the things that you can do without out and still save money while advocating for yourself and your body in the best way possible okay all right hopefully that didn't come off preachy just know that I I know what you're going through you know and I do know the you know wanting to stay stagnant wanting to to be like not work out and wanting to sort of revolt against doing anything healthy for

yourself but in the long run I promise you you will feel so much better when you're stimulating your body to release the feel-good chemicals okay so get out there go do something with your sh all right you guys I'll see you next week thanks so much for listening today if you like what you're hearing and you'd like to hear more please make sure to click subscribe wherever you're listening or watching also for bite-sized clips and tips be sure to find me on Tik Tok or Instagram see you next week