From Freeze to Freedom: Excerpts From The Journal of An Alienated Parent

you are listening to the Beyond The High Road podcast with Shelby Nur episode number 92 stay Ted well hello you guys how are we doing today on this July 3r I am recording on the same day I'm going to release it um because you know was like a little excitement in my life since Sunday I had been contemplating what topic I wanted to tackle this week I mean I have a list a running list of topic ideas so it's not that I've run out of Topics by a long shot no way but I have a harder time doing the editing later if I don't have a story some sort of inspiration behind it so anyway this morning I am looking I don't know what made me do it but I was looking down at my phone there

were so many apps I'm running out of space in my phone and I started deleting old apps they were like torrent apps it brought me back to a place during the dark dark times when I lived in such scarcity thinking such scarcity in my life there was no abundance because I was not feeling abundant I felt paranoid and stuck Frozen I was running on fear and fear alone pretty much fear heartbreak scarcity which is fear bewilderment confusion it was a very dark time for me so I started going through these apps and I was deleting and I then also came across this writing app that I used back in the day and it's where I journaled it's where I also put like for my lawyer I put like the

timelines of when things happened incidents that occurred between me and the stepmom and what have you and then of course with my daughter father anyway you get it and so I thought back today coming off of the last two episodes where we were talking about moving from Fear into purpose right and the episode before that where we were talking about being in fear and fear alone right being in that free state extended prolonged functional maybe not so functional free state I thought that I would share a couple excerpts from two two or three different pieces of writing from that app that I found then elaborate on it afterwards I wanted to do this for two reasons one

because you know after so long you say things and you've just been repeating them for so long you actually don't even think about how real they really were and the things that I've kind of mentioned to you over time like this was me writing about it in the moment um so it might be interesting to hear my tone from back then for you guys because I think sometimes it might be easy to listen to these these episodes and think she's different maybe she started at a different place she had more resources more whatever maybe she was already down this path before when all this the alienation started for her so of course it's easy for her if there's any inkling of that in your mind maybe this will

help a little bit anyway when I wrote These it was like right on that cuss I knew I needed more I knew I needed help managing my mind and you'll hear that here but just that anyway so I'm going to read the first one and the first one is a recollection maybe a year later of this time with my daughter my daughter came to me one Thursday afternoon and told me that the next day was Pioneer day at school they were to dress up as pilgrims who would be having an event that morning oh my gosh tomorrow Scarlet I asked half panicky stressy or not I was more than happy to do it for her being that I already shared so many responsibilities with somebody else and that someone else had no interest in

working as a team or even communicating for my daughter's sake which is of course why I hadn't heard about this event sooner I felt honored to make my daughter's extras for school and the years before while packing her lunch I would use cookie cutters to make her sandwiches into cute shapes one winter day while placing a drop of red food dye on the tip of her sandwich to signify Rudolph's nose I thought this can't be good for her so from then on I began drawing on the outside of my daughter's sandwich bags it started with a simple little snowman and two years later I was drawing ktie Perry Willie Nelson and Elsa from Frozen it was loads of fun and it was a great way to help sink in the

little things she was learning also for a Brownie's field trip we were headed to the fire station so that morning I drew a little girl in a fireman's uniform to remind her when she began reading I draw a little conversation bubbles above the sketched list Pet Shop characters who were asking her to eat all of her sandwich before delving into the cookies I hid under the bag of apples for the following day I borrowed my neighbor's sewing machine and got to work she needed to look like a pilgrim maybe a bonnet or a long skirt she said with some leftover material I had from some pillows I never finished imagine that I decided to make her a long apron and a bonnet both with big old colorful bows

which clearly didn't fall in line with the muted colors worn back in the 1800s but it looked so dang cute the next morning I dropped her off at school and decided to hang out in nearby Starbucks until the square dance at 10:00 a.m. parents were welcome to attend and I was excited to be there for her I walked into the gymnasium around 9:50 and decided to sit on the bleachers to wait other pants began to trickle in and soon scarlet and the rest of her class filed in also there were about six classrooms in all along with their choreograph swear dance this was an opportunity for all the kiddos to group teach their parents as well when they announced for moms and dads to join in I started over

to scarlet and then I saw a blur her stepmother swooped in not more than 2 feet from me she grabbed my daughter by the arm and pulled her to the floor I was shocked my eyes saucers my jaw to the floor I watched her smirk and loudly snark you can have her after my turn I swear my jaw was still on the floor when I looked over at Miss how my daughter's teacher to see if it was real was anyone else reacting to this or was I just having a day mirr as I've explained I'm not a confrontational person plot me in the middle of a head-to-head competition and I am out by Nature I freeze out we all know that it's not really by Nature it just happened to be that I was in that

extended free state right on the inside though I was ready to blow a [ __ ] gasket Not only was it my day with Scarlet for the custody agreement but I just made her this cute little outfit and I watched her stepmom tie the bow on her as if she was claiming it to be her own I stood there in the middle of the floor dumbfounded and well feeling dumb the children and their parents began to dance all around me not wanting to make any sort of scene for scarlet I slinked off to the boers her teacher glanced over and quietly mouthed I'm so sorry this is happening to you the Stepmom made overly big gestures while doing her dance and did not let go of my daughter for the entire event I quietly left

praying that miraculously this would not be a memory that stuck for my daughter my heart achd inside my stomach did flips I hated that this was happening I hated it for me because it felt so incredibly dark and ugly but mostly I hated it for my daughter the fact that my sweet little girl was being made to choose that she had to feel that unnecessary and twisted tension created over her it made me sick I'd obviously seen her in actions many time before talking about the stepmother but to witness her act this way at a school event was just unbelievable Soul crushing really which I don't know why I'm so surprised looking back on this now I don't know why I'm so surprised

because there were so many other school events starting from when she started school right in kindergarten where she did such similar things to this she would make make a hugee scene in An even more confined space like my daughter's kindergarten room and first R room you know anyway so what stood out to me for this one is that I think we all as alienated parents have done this we have sacrificed and kept quiet in order to hopefully save our children so that we didn't make a scene in front of them you know just like I said praying to God that this memory didn't stick for her that is all that mattered to me I when I was on those bleachers that day or before I was on those bleachers and I

was standing there getting ready to go do this silly little square dance with my daughter I and as I saw the blur and her swoop Scarlet up and the look on the stepmom's face and she was like you can have her after I'm finished it felt so evil and dark to me I was so like appalled I I I was frozen I was truly Frozen I did not know how to act because who does this right that's where I was what ad dop behaves this way whenever at first whenever the step mom came into the picture and I didn't know who she was and I didn't I knew nothing about her really I was convinced she must not have had a kid ever because having a kid she would know that there's like a a code right we don't you don't do that

with someone else's kid you don't cut someone else's kids hair their bangs when they've never had their veins cut coming to find out that she did have a child and most people don't do those things but there are those people my daughter siom who does do those things but I did not know how to respond to it and I think so many of us can relate to this especially if there's a step mom I'm going to generalize here but I'm pretty sure I'm accurate on this in the picture who was actively working to alienate I know that you understand this and even if there's not a set parent in the picture mom moms and dads alike will behave this way with the kids when they're doing the acts to alienate

they're not operating on the same principles that we would like other people to so anyway I thought it was important to point out if you're in it actively right now the one thing if I could go back and I'm sure I shared this with you at some point or another but I want to stress this that if I could go back and change anything today right it would definitely be my reactions in those mod moments I would speak up I would not worry so much about how it might affect my daughter if I stood up for myself and for her back then I felt like I didn't want to make a peep I didn't want to make a sounds because I didn't want to be the one causing the scene or contributing to the dysfunction

but when it comes to situations like ours speaking up knowing your worth you absolutely have the right and the responsibility really to stand up for what you believe for yourself and for your kiddo I I'm not saying that you need to fight the other people back but you can certainly fight for your child of course hindsight's 2020 cuz I know now too that I did not know my own worth back then we're all worthy we don't gain our worth any time like you are so worthy right now as you listen to me right or watch whatever you're doing there is nothing that can make you more worthy and if I knew that then like truly knew it then I probably would have stood up for myself more I didn't trust

what I was thinking and observing was actually happening or that my judgment was on point you know and so I wanted to keep quiet and I was because of the Discord I am sure you guys understand as can relate to this um and I think this is what all of us as the unated parents do we all think like oh God please I just don't want to add to the situ situation which is a healthy way I think to to approach pretty much any other situation besides something like alienation you know pick your battles and just walk away from somebody that's acting not appropriately dysfunctionally but when it comes to our children I think if I could offer anything today it would be to stand up stand up don't sit

quiet don't tell yourself don't believe the story that it's going to get better later that if you just stay quiet for long enough they'll stop your children will see that you are the seeing one I would today say that there is definitely a way it doesn't have to be so black or white you can actually stand like in your power stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself and your child in a effective way in uh a powerful or empowered way without having to add to the dysfunction you know what I'm saying there is an in between I think think that if we say something that we're just going to be at their level and that's not true it doesn't have to be like that like in this situation for me I could

imagine that today if that happened I would absolutely stand in between and say hi this is actually now I'm going to take my daughter and spend some time with her here it doesn't have to be yelling it doesn't have to be screaming it doesn't have to go steep to anybody's level there is a way to to act on the behalf and the best interest of our children without doing that anyway okay so that's what I wanted to take away from that I just thought that maybe some of you guys many of you guys would identify with that I know that we will all face situations again where we need to act you advocate for ourselves and maybe still our children you know and so this time just remind yourself that you

may feel scared at the moment but it's going to be okay and that so long as you are acting coming from a place of love and kindness even in being firm and convicted in what you want to say that you cannot go wrong so anyway okay so the next one is I actually have the call recording of this but this was from right directly after a group coaching call I had so I would move over to the house in the hill and I had joined this group coaching program which really really helped me and I I was in that coaching program for like four years um I I joined it because at the time I couldn't afford the school which I later actually went to which is the life coach school but I joined this

group coaching program because it was very affordable and I could get coached by someone weekly now I wasn't the same someone every week so I found it to be more difficult in the long run to get any real work done uh one-on-one coaching so this was month probably month three after joining that program and this was on the group called not the one-on-one coaching so this is like we hundreds of better people were on the calls like listening okay I submitted a very last minute request to be coached I was driving home from a workout with my budding Mark and decided to pull over just in case I couldn't believe it when she called my need in the request form she asked you to write a short

description of the topic you'd like to discuss I thought this was great as I have a very hard time trying to describe my situation without getting off on tangents this is such an overwhelming amount of baggage to unpack with respect to parental alienation surprisingly she didn't get past the words parental alienation without having to stop and ask it helped me realize just how uninformed the general public let alone the self-help Community really is about this [ __ ] awful epidemic I mean as much suffering as we go through you'd think that it would be a catalyst for targeted parents like me to get coaching anyway my desire was not just to complain about my unfortunate situation

but to ask how I could craw out of my Victim mentality with regard to it all in my eyes no matter how shitty they've been to me no matter how angry I am at them for brainwashing My Sweet Child those thoughts do nothing for me so I wanted to know how I could rework my thoughts in order to serve me this is when I started I'm like listening to the words that I'm using and it was words that I was just then adopting I know that I wanted a magical answer that would enable me to get out of my head off my couch and out of this prison I'd been sentenced to I wanted to be equipped with a new mindset so that I could shake this hell off me and begin living my life again but when I opened

my mouth I panicked there was so much to say I needed to paint a clear picture so that we could get to work there were so many examples to share and so much information in my brain that I was at a loss for words I began to cry and it didn't stop my coach what are your thoughts when you think about her me I think about what a genuinely Sweet Soul she is I'm so sad for her I feel guilty for not being able to protect her and the tears kept falling coach what are your thoughts about you me I'm a devoted mom a loving great mom and I hate myself for not being able to stop this and so I stopped writing about the dialogue right there because I said I just want to know

how I can manage my thoughts so that I'm not the forever victim and I said I have to watch the tape for the rest after watching the recording this was maybe an hour later what I gather is I need to still sit with the feelings apparently I haven't fully processed I need to talk about it a lot then once I've done this I need to look at what I can do what I am in control of I need a coach I mean not just any coach once a week I need a designated coach who can work with me regarding all of this one who will know me in my situation will be accountable and help me develop he here I sit one day turning into another one week into the next months go by with no substantial change something in my head

just isn't clicking I don't stay on the ball my purpose when I'm focused enough to have one changes by the minute sometimes by the second I'm realizing as I'm writing that I'm placing all of the importance on outside elements to determine my Direction but isn't that what you do as a parent your children are your number one priority right this whole time waiting on a court date years pass I wait because I depend on others to pay or file motions or recommend assess counsel and make judgment I don't know how else to combat this never give up right but am my fighting is relying on others working my eyes are heavy to the extent that naps are vital while I drive I feel the need to close my eyes

yesterday I had my first appointment at Texas Oncology I met with the hematologist as I become anemic symptoms began almost 2 years ago extreme burning pain on a toe on my right foot which lasted about four months it subsided and we turned again last fall this time the painful four-month stint ended up with a sudden pool of blood that sat underneath the skin of that same toe many symtoms and blood tests later I found myself sitting in the waiting room at ARC on my 45th birthday right ankle blown up like a balloon tingling down my left arm with yet another doctor trying to treat the symptoms individually today while I was sitting in my car watching a YouTube

video in the parking lot at Home Depot this is another freeze response by the way is sitting in your car with really you got things to do but you just don't want to get out yet so you will numb out in your car or like in your towel out out of the shower not wanting to go to move to the next task so while I was sitting in my car watching a YouTube video a cloud covered the sun creating a slight Shadow I jumped heart leap completely startled thinking the shadow is someone outside my window it happens frequently yet I've not experienced anything that would prompt reactions like this before they say that traumatic events could cause PTSD yet I never thought that anything short of being on

the front lines of War warranted anyone the permission to have it the thing about traumatic events is well they're events events have clear Beginnings middles and endings the trauma of losing a child to death has got to be a wretched one no parent should ever outlive their child I witnessed my mother MN the death of my brother her only son God my heart still breaks for her a little each time I imagine her visiting his grave which she does almost daily they those same people I assume also say that losing a child to alienation is not unlike grieving their death to that I say I guess so similar in that there was a day that their children were there and then they

weren't there is the coping with the loss there is definitely a warning that the thing is by no means am I downplaying the an actual death when a child dies there's an ending to their daily existence On This Planet Nowhere could someone be watching a movie or driving a car with their child although there are ongoing feelings related to their death There's an opportunity for closure death is an event every day I wake up knowing that my child is calling some other woman mom while she is getting herself Ready for School of Gymnastics my child is experiencing her first day in eighth grade her first crush her first period she's out there coping during the most impressionable

time in her life having been forced into denying who she is in her core every day she's making decisions based on what someone else is modeling to her her model of life is skewed as she has not been allowed to exercise her god-given right to love and be loved by both of her parents when I say that it is skewed I am not making judgment instead it is an observation what I mean is the most basic of all rights given to us at Birth is that we have a father and mother that made each of us who they are is no mistake as infants as toddlers as tween teens and young adults our parents are intended to shape us mold us and then watch us grow as a result of their work

when that right is taken from a child it is a violation when that right is taken from a capable and willing parent well that is wretched I think the sing of a death dulls after some time the parent knowing that their child is safe at peace and maybe even watching over them is probably a comfort there's not a moment in time when I'm not two seconds away from tears just the thought of not being able to kiss her forehead good night always presents the risk of breaking down the pain is never ending and never dulls knowing that she could be down the street from me and not being able to call her email her or wave hello for [ __ ] sakes is devastating that pit in my gut when

something reminds of a phrase she often said or a look she would give I can't say the words where is she without afterwards reciting them in a high-pitched toddler voice where is she shoulders Shrugged Palms up eyes widen in wonderment and head cocked the way that my daughter did when she refer to my friend Katie or Kitty as my daughter would call her I hear the children giggling and screaming with excitement on Halloween marching down the sidewalk and their cute little costumes on and I cry my entire body is overcome the jaring bus and then I stopped there so I guess I thought it might be helpful for you guys to to hear the words that and me like when I was writing those words

being really still very much in and feeling very much a victim and knowing that I was there right I was at the point where I knew that I was a victim and I knew I wanted more but I hadn't yet gotten to the more yet I still was I had just been told by uh who would later be my my my mentor and teacher going forward that I really needed to actually process the emotions yes I was feeling them but I was feeling the suffering on top of the core emotions right I was Hing and haing and I was moving from fight flight freeze and then I would go back and swing through these three phases and so being in that trauma response it is difficult to get to the core emotions

because your body is in that emergy or a nervous syst is in that emergency state so at the time you cannot actually sit with your emotions or you think that you cannot sit with your emotions because you're too busy trying to stop freaking out and also I pointed out there too I I think I said as I'm writing this I'm realizing that I would always base my purpose on things that were outside of me I would let the things that were outside of me determine my direction and so it makes sense also too for so many reasons why I said that my purpose changed like by the minute it just constantly was changing over and changing over because it just depended on what reaction I was trying to get

from somebody else at the time what where I was prioritizing my needs at the time at the time I was looking not inside but I needed other people to change in order for things to start to get better but I also knew that I hated living that way for so long too I was thinking about this this while in the shower but that I was always looking to have somebody to explain my life and why I was the way I was oh I'm this way because my dad wasn't present consistently present I was this way because my mom was micromanaging and weird in her other ways I was this way because of my brother I wanted to look outside of me to explain why I was who I was and why I behaved the way that I he

back then but I realized that it wasn't so much about who did what it was more about it was everything how my body how I responded to it in all those times like I realized from the time I was little since whatever happening with my brother I spent a lot of time in that freeze State as a child and then freeze Fawn a little bit because with my mom um it was necessary for me at the time so I would be freeze fun freeze fun and then when I got into adulthood with my daughter's father I would fight I would fight Freeze fight Freeze there was no font with him and then with the last guy it was Bond freeze Bon freeze now that I know that I am capable I'm I able to see

my own patterns and how I'm choosing people moving forward like it makes sense that even though those two guys were nothing alike like they weren't in most ways both narcissist typ type traits right characteristics behaved entirely differently and I chose differently on purpose thinking that I was choosing up if you will but really I was actually choosing someone who caused me to go back into a familiar State back from when I was a kid so with my the last guy the Byron guy I was so used to Fawn because I did Fawn when I was a kid with my mom so the role that I played in Fawn felt familiar it wasn't comfortable by any means but it felt familiar I knew how to do that right and so of course

that's why I picked this guy I wanted to be it to be different than the last guy than my daughter's father and it was it just happened to not be actually different for me does that make sense so it's like the people outside of us don't so much matter but why it is that we're choosing them so I think that that's just another takeaway I know that this kind of a mishmash of topics today hopefully it'll be helpful for you guys going forward I think summertime is like just for me has always been a tough one and I know it's not summertime for everybody that's listening cuz if you're down in Australia which there's plenty of listeners from Australia and just from south of the Equator or South

Africa I know it's winter there but these summer months for me they were once like the best months for my daughter and I um I loved our vacation times I just got to spend more time with her and I love that spring break as well and then when the alienation started and really took hold then I what did I have on my hands idle time and I didn't know what to do with myself I I was my skin was crawling I was so unhappy and unsettled and felt victimized and I felt like I was like I was sharing with you in these little writing that I felt like I was constantly waiting on other people to do their job so that I could get back to being a mom I just felt so helpless and wasn't aware of how I could act on

my own behalf or for my daughter in the best possible way even while waiting on these people sometimes that just is our reality there's time lapses during these summer months when you're used to pining away for your kids it might be helpful in light of what I just shared with you in these readings that might be really helpful for you to get right with your own thoughts if you are in a free state if you haven't listened to that episode go back and listen to it and move yourself from it so that you can actually process through the emotions that you've been sort of numbing and hiding yourself from the best thing that you can do for yourself in this time use

this time wisely and talk talk with the people that you love that you trust that love you talk about what's happened talk about the things that you have been keeping quiet just as I shared with you here that I I every time I go to I went to talk about it back then I got all jumbled up and just got so I felt so nervous I would sweat I would start crying there were so many different scenarios that were going on and a lot of that was due to the fact that I hadn't talked about it to anybody I've kept it locked away and hidden and that is the most unhelpful thing that you can do we need the connection in people and another thing that would be really really helpful to do and I haven't

actually nagged you guys to do this in a while there's so many benefits to writing down your thoughts in the moment and like this today was just one more benefit is that going back to this hidden little gem this little memory chest of my thoughts back in the day has served me and hopefully some of you guys out there today but it's always so interesting to see like in retrospect how far you've come where you were at the time it provides you later on it will provide you with so much distance so much perspective the benefits are so many during when you're writing all of the stuff you're getting distance from your thoughts in that moment and you're able to connect with the words in a

different way than you were when they're jumbled all up in your head you process through what's happening now here I will say that when I went to write this stuff some of this stuff was thoughts and some of it was intentional WR writing for this exact purpose so that I can look at this stuff later it was so very informal but it wasn't when I'm encouraging you guys to do the writing I think less organized and less um burst I guess don't edit your thoughts write down the raw of raw because that's where you're going to if you're judging yourself and editing out the real thoughts that are going on the message that you're sending to yourself is that those thoughts

aren't wor y or like there's something to be hidden away right so you definitely want to write it all down and don't judge yourself you're human the thoughts that occur to you don't Define you and don't determine whether you're a good person or a bad person or whatever they just are if they've occurred to you they come to you while you're writing just get them out okay anyway all right so listen um I hope that this helped y'all I just wanted to read that step to you so that you guys would understand that you know I too have been in those the the helpless places and understand what you guys are going through but also to that just there is trust the process trust this process of

healing and if you feel like you're not where you need to be you feel like you're not far enough along or that that it's taking too much time it's too slow it does always feel like that in the process think about when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to get your driver's license right and then you got your driver's license and you're like oh that wasn't so bad now I have it who cares about the rest of it right or like when you were just wanting to get out of high school just wanted to get out of your house like your parents house it seems so long during the weit right but then you get there and you're like oh that was a big deal it's the same thing with this except for with this it did

seem I can say on the back end of it now it did seem like a long time in it because it is the hardest thing that you and I hopefully will ever go through give yourself some Grace have compassion for yourself in all of these moments but you are right where you are supposed to be right where you're supposed to be I promise you that I had a former client text earlier today he was questioning whether he was mentally ill or not and he said I can't seem to Anchor myself into anything my emotions are all over the place sadness being the Primary Emotion anger is almost never present it would be a refreshing change and he just feels like he's stuck in this sadness

and this Bloom do place right and so and I told him he is this is just part of his process but the more he hates on the process the harder it will become the more he questions his own character and whether he's crazy or not the harder this will all become it's a way for your mind to like distract you and put you on to something else and that something else actually feels worse but your mind just doesn't understand that so just trust the process if you're feeling feeling sad just let it be sad but don't have a story about the sadness on top of it that makes it wrong or bad that you are that's where the suffering is you are right on track you're exactly where

you're supposed to be this is a process so give yourself that Grace and give yourself that love and that kindness okay but you're doing perfectly and it it does suck recognize the suck recognize the pain this will only bring you along further faster even though I'm trying to convince you to not rush it but it will the other stuff will actually just deter you keep you off your path the hating on the process the hating on where you are I should be further along all of that stuff is only a deterrent it's a dead end Road it's a trap and that scarcity mindset that I was mentioning before just keep trusting and if you have to like make um affirmation for yourself things are

coming to me easily and freely things were coming to me without much effort I just keep putting one foot in front of the other saying things simplifying your process and not making it so heavy and scarce and like lacking we see the world as we are not as the world is right and so remember that it's not all black out there it's just because of what is going on internally that you're seeing things as scarce or as fear you're worthy you know all the things that you might be saying so just keep reminding yourself that this is just a moment in time and there will be more moments okay and talk talk talk talk talk talk talk to every all the people all the time all your

people that you trust talk all this stuff out so that you can make some sense get some distance from it the more you talk each time you talk about it you let a little bit of it go but you holding on to it and pushing it down it is that's why you like I was sharing here I was like I don't know I was like throw up with the mouth all the things and I just start crying because it's like trying to keep a beach ball underwater it just you can't you can't do it first opportunity you have it all just bubbles out and then you walk away from the situation being like Oh my God what did I just do I don't even know what I'm saying right so it's very important to let it to let it out and it

is going to be messy it is that's why you find you pick people that you trust and that love you you love it's okay if you're a broken record it's okay you're going through something going through something pretty massive they will tell you if they're tired of it and if they're tired of it so what find somebody else to speak with it's okay allow yourself the privilege it's not even a privilege to write the grace just to process through it just make sure that when you're doing it that you're not adding to your suffering by only focusing on the the way that your life sucks you want to talk about your reactions your responses your emotions as a result of it and then you try to

find your power from there and if you need more help then you can always call me because I always offer a free session to one free session to to anybody who needs it and I won't sell you if you don't want to be sold to so don't worry I'm not going to try to make you corner you or chase you or bother you to come coach with me but if you want to feel better and if you want to and you can do it by the way when we just say you don't need you don't need need I felt like I needed a coach and it did help immensely but you don't need need need to have somebody coach you through this you can do it by yourself and also if you want to have result like you want to feel better like very soon if you

want to speed the process up if you want more resources and you want to save time energy all the things then that's when you come to me but I'm not going to ch down you can always just schedule a free session with me and get your head on about what you need to do specifically and then that'll be it I won't chase you I won't email you a million times over spam you try to creepy sell you no no thank you I've been where you're at I know I understand you know it's one thing I will never do and also if you want the help I am damn good at giving you providing you with that help you know know so there you have it also oh also I think that we all go through this I know some people really

hate it when I say this but I do think that there are benefits that each of us individually get from this look try to find why this is working for you I mean I'm not going to ask you to like why is it the best thing that ever happened to you you could and you know I've suggested that probably quite frequently but there are things that you gain by going through something as traumatic as this they're always is so focus on those things like what have you developed as a result the tenacity the sense of worth for me I I worked to develop who I am what I want my direction my um discipline all of those things I gained so so so much through this process of of healing myself following the alienation

and that was all due to me not because of the alienation I could have chosen to not do those things right I could have chosen to not heal I don't think the people that are listening to this these episodes are choosing that I think you're you guys want to heal that's your doing right it's not the alienations doing you chose it it's your mind it's your life moving forward so anyway that's all I have I don't even know what I'm going to title this today Summer sucks but you can you can use the time to your advantage all right I'll talk to you guys later have a happy week I still will be doing Facebook live on Friday you guys if you're in the states and you're celebrating 4th of July happy 4th

to all of you if you're not in the states have a happy week okay all right y'all take care